TheLookoutDiary

Archive for June, 2012|Monthly archive page

HOW TO SHOW SUPPORT IN A RELATIONSHIP

In Relationships, Self Help on June 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

One of the most significant things I have learned about my first relationship is the issue called SUPPORT. Understanding how much support you should give your girlfriend. When to stop giving support. How to not solve their problem, but guide them to a healthy solution. In my last post, I talked about my arrogance. Something that isn’t so obvious, but when you see it, you will be shocked. My arrogance connects to how I am in my relationship. I love everything to be perfect. So when my girlfriend is cranky, I like to get to route causes of her crankiness instead of actually leaving her to deal with it alone. Like over caring.

What I have learned, is if I was single, my girlfriend would find her own solutions to her problems without me. I just seem to always have solutions which can sometimes make me feel superior. The more I allow my girlfriend to stand alone and I stand alone, we cope better. The only problem is, I sometimes get scared we may lead each other into shits, if we don’t give each other a perspective or solution. The solution is finding balance. It is harder to find balance, especially when you  like your girlfriend a lot, or your partner.

My mind works philosophically always (must be my Philosophy classes at college). I always have solutions, and that is my shortfall in life. Knowing things before people do, and being ahead is very lonely sometimes, especially when you see people make mistakes you spotted ages before. It is fantastic too, apart from the fact my emotions are very odd.

So what I tell all the people in challenging relationships, is that you should pay attention to your partner. Listen to them, and allow them to stand alone with courage. Allow them to make mistakes. Find the balance between helping and leaving, and hope for the best. You will really appreciate, like, and/or love your partner, but they need to fight their own battles, and become stronger in themselves. Rather than them relying on you always or feeling inferior.

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MY STRANGE DOWNFALL

In Self Help on June 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I don’t try to come across as arrogant. I don’t even try to come across as the best person in the world. I just have this unbelievable amount of confidence that keeps me positive every single day. The problem I have in life right now is that I am exploring the world, trying to be the best person I can be and learn everything about myself and others, that I forget how to just chill. I am not talking about chilling in the sense that I am lazy. I can easily be lazy and just allow the world to go by. I already do that, while trying to perfect my life. I  don’t relax in the sense that I am not analysing. I analyse everything, and it works out perfectly fine. I just never switch off. That is my shortfall!

I always have solutions. I always have answers. Even in silence, I am still analysing, but people don’t notice. I don’t have to speak but I am constantly working. I can allow life to flow but in that flow, I am still mentally having a structure that puts me at work. It is like when you are relaxing but you know you are, so you are working. I may not be making sense, but my perfectionist, positive approach in life, brings me down. Just like they say too much of anything isn’t good for you. When I don’t stress, never get angry, and find quick solutions to problems, yes I am flowing but I am not flowing in the sense that I have no idea what is coming next.

Sometimes I wish that instead of not knowing what is coming and being prepared, why don’t I not plan my back up plan and just allow things to fall where they are supposed to. Not try to solve every little thing in the world. Not try to be the perfectionist I am. Simply, just put my mind at rest.

In my relationship, I have this problem where I know what my girlfriend thinks before she thinks it. I don’t tell her of course. So when she finds something shocking or weird, I find it normal as if I knew already. It is like knowing the future without knowing the future. I have my defences ready, and solutions so I am not vulnerable. I constantly tell people, it’s good to feel vulnerable because you are more safe, that tightened up and constraint from movement. My vulnerability causes me to feel pain, but not for so long. I am constantly repairing myself and act as if nothing happened.

CONFUSED LIFE. I am only 17 as well.

 

WHY I DON’T GET ANGRY?

In Self Help on June 23, 2012 at 3:33 am

Why Don’t I Get Angry?

The law of attraction allows me to be positive in the most depressing and negative times. I may experience something that is really bad or supposedly negative, but because of the law of attraction, I am constantly the happiest man alive.

The law of attraction says that if you attract positivity, you get positive outcomes. If you attract negativity, you get negative outcomes. This works in all aspects of my life. If I am positive towards this post and think of this post as something life changing. It is more than likely to be life changing and motivating because of my positive attraction towards it.

I rarely ever get angry in my life, because when I have an experience, I only allow despair to be present for a couple minutes. If I am in despair, because of something very deep, I look at the situation, have sorrow and despair present in my soul, but my positivity keeps me moving and helps me find positive solutions that will slowly solve the puzzle that has been shuffled, separated and randomised.

This links to the fact that I am never really that fazed or disgusted by people, experiences or things in life. Some people call me mad and say ‘Derrick, do you ever feel like lashing out?’ I always tell them ‘Yes, always!’ The fact that we have many emotions, we are allowed to express negativity but if that dominates our lives, then we will be negative human beings that attract negative outcomes.

In addition, this links to everything we do in life. From doing an exam paper, to writing a book, to going to the gym and eating the right foods. If we are not willing to feed our soul with positivity, how do we attract positivity in our daily lives. Our success, is paved by the route we take to success, not the time taken to get there. If we worry about the time rather than the route and journey, we will get no where. If we look too deeply at the negatives in our dreams and hopes, we will never reach there or get the best result out of our chosen hopes and dreams.

So why don’t I get angry often? I just allow positivty to dominate my life. I never allow anyone to tell me negative things that diminish my chances of success. I keep an open mind so I can be critiqued and critical in my thinking. I use critique positively and I never think of myself as more important than anyone else. I am just one, like every other human being in the world. I just keep pushing for sucess and happiness, since despair and defeat are not in my vocabulary anymore.

We will feel sad and hurtful, sometimes pain, but that is just life. We are supposed to feel that when we experience challenges. Just fight it, and be the person on top. Start you day with something positive and finish it with something positive.

Perfection never teaches you. Despair and negative outcomes do, since they are not what you want. You are willing to learn from what you don’t want, since you want something greater. Something that fulfils your happiness, fills you with joy and purpose in life.

Bad Timing

In Self Help on June 17, 2012 at 6:17 pm

We all have bad timing. It is something we experience and learn from everyday. Bad timing for catching a bus, bad timing for a Facebook comment that doesn’t make sense and bad timing for saying something in public that doesn’t make sense.

I have learned in my life, that when we experience ‘bad timing,’ we don’t need to think so much about our actions but instead think less and rationally. From my own experience, I have had bad timing for many things. Some are minor, some not. The second thing I have learned is that as long as we are breathing, we can progress and do amazing things that go beyond that one negative thought or action.

We should live by believing in our instinct. Our instinct gives us a quick solution. The solution should be something that naturally comes and doesn’t take hurtful thinking. The easy solution that pops in your head shouldn’t be misinterpreted for a bad decision. If something is easy, it doesn’t mean it is bad or less amazing or life changing.

Go with the flow, and believe in your instincts. Live to the fullest by believing in your thoughts. Never think more than you need to because at the end of the day, everything becomes easier when you learn from your experiences and mistakes.

The Risk

In Self Help on June 16, 2012 at 5:28 pm

In my life, I have moments when I think to myself, ‘Do I actually take risks?’ I go to college and live a good life, in a stable home with my mum, but then I think about the times when I have taken ‘the’ risk. The risk to do something extraordinary or have the guts to take a leap of faith to challenge myself to do something I haven’t done before.

Considering all I do in my life is college, write and spend time with family, I am seriously questioning my ability to believe in myself and take a risk that doesn’t fit into my daily routine. Constantly as human beings we are battling our own thoughts and beliefs to seek what is right for us, and when the time comes for us to do something that can change ourselves completely. If we constantly do the same things everyday, surely we will get bored. If we aim to achieve something but only get to a certain point, then a wall surrounds us, where do we go? How do we keep moving to the unknown and new places that help us make sense of our identity.

I go to college 5 days a week, and have lessons at awkward times. When a time comes when I am free from lessons, I could either do something leisure related or study. I most of the time have to study. But if I am not studying, I am doing very repetitive things that don’t really move me forward to experience new things. I would be tweeting, writing, watching films or spending hours on Skype talking to my girlfriend. It becomes an unstructured routine in my life.

The challenge we have as human beings is finding new things to do, and having the confidence to try something that doesn’t fit into our ‘most comfortable’ routine. It is like a new form of laziness that isn’t the same as the typical lazy human being that doesn’t do anything in his or her life. It is the lazy, where we feel so comfortable that anything we do has to be something already done. I am a human being that loves to experience new things. I would go out and watch a film with friends or take a train journey to my girlfriend’s house which is in a place called no where (not literally) and do things that are planned (I love planning). When I have plans to do things that aren’t part of my routine in life, I feel good. I just can’t get myself to do things that aren’t planned, unexpected or extraordinarily risky. The risk is the feeling that I don’t know what will come, so I cannot prepare for failure.

The problem is that when we plan so much and never take the risk, the excitement in any experience weakens, as well as the satisfaction in the result. We love good results. We are humans, so we love the peak in human performance. It be an amazing musical piece an artist makes or the ability to run a couple kilometres and beat your record time. When we feel satisfied with what we have done before, we always ask ourselves about the possible result of a different outcome if we took the risk to not know what will come. Those that are scared of risks, feel good, satisfied (sometimes a lie) and unsatisfied (never admit, but complain) with where they are. Those that take risks, always love the thrill of learning or experiencing something that can either move them forward or move them back, because they can never stay static.

If we all learned how to move away from our typical routine of 9-5 working days and more into the unexpected living, we would learn something completely different about ourselves. If we planned less and hoped for the best, while preparing for the worse, we can only learn and grow. We may often feel disappointment and despair when we don’t get the result or the leap of faith we took was a leap to far.

Dr Cornel West, my favourite Philosopher once said….

He who has never despaired, has never lived.  But you cannot let despair have the last word.

What that has taught me in my confusing teenage life is that we will feel beat down and heartbroken when we don’t get the desired results, but that means that we should always get back up. It doesn’t matter about our circumstances or fear. Our risk taken, if we take it, can only teach us, but never break us, only if we allow it to.

We face challenges but we should just keep moving forward because life is about living. Our lives are too short for being petrified. If we don’t move forward, how can we ever assure ourselves that we have actually lived? Take the risk. Enjoy the risk, but most of all learn from it.

Insignificant Steps

In Self Help on June 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm

The only route to anything that brings success is hard work.

The problem we have in modern culture, with the development of technology and the easy access of information, is that we are afraid of hard work. We are afraid of doing hard work that seems insignificant. We put ourselves through absolute shit, everyday to get to the point where we feel successful and satisfied.

I constantly feel like quitting something really difficult that doesn’t seem straight forward. I feel like quitting something I am not aware of in my life or have previous experiences from. For example, I had an experience of a full year of Advanced Level Sociology and I didn’t enjoy it. I found it difficult, regardless of my love of understanding society. I just didn’t like the educational approach to the subject. The sad point is that when I was faced with the challenge, I felt like giving up because of the lack of enjoyment. I should have kept going, doing my best, but sadly sold myself short by quitting at the end of the year, but still went into the exam constantly looking around for aimless support. Regardless of the academic lesson attached to the subject, there is always something to learn that goes deeper than just the textbook.

The feeling of success and satisfaction doesn’t have to come from one source, like wealth, but could come from your relationships with your family and friends. It can also come from helping an individual that is in need of guidance and support. It could also come from just inspiring an individual that lacks the motivation to keep moving forward in his or her life.

The most significant thing about insignificant steps is the point that if you embrace every step you take towards your success and overall satisfaction of your life, you will love every step regardless of the challenges you face. Why? Because you know the insignificant steps is going to teach you something about your overall objective.

If you are on the verge of quitting something that is hard, you should continue regardless. Like I always say, the success you feel at the end makes the hard work worth it. The greatness you feel at the end is more powerful than you can ever imagine. It is like wanting to eat fish and chips. The hardest part is going to shop and purchasing it, and then coming home. The satisfaction comes when you eat it.