TheLookoutDiary

Archive for September, 2012|Monthly archive page

FEELING SATISFIED

In Relationships, Self Help on September 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

In the last couple weeks I have been questioning my identity, purpose and values. I have fundamental values that are rooted in moral principles. I do things that are good, instead of doing things that are seen to be right. The challenge I am facing right now is the question of how and when do you feel ultimate satisfaction in your life? I am questioning if money brings satisfaction, or does love bring satisfaction, or does focusing on your purpose bring satisfaction and how do you manage it and get the ball rolling for a beautiful and satisfying life.

I can’t lie and say that growing up to the age of 17, I haven’t thought that happiness and satisfaction comes from the salary threshold. The salary threshold, being a certain amount of income that brings an abundance of living. Being 17 now, I think it is actually bogus. A household income can never satisfy a human being. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. The truth is, when you make a certain amount of money, all you will feel is the need to make even more money because it opens up more opportunity, that can satisfy your rush for material ownership. Of course, I constantly tell myself, ‘I wish I had one million pounds right now, so I could travel from London to Miami, Miami to New York, and New York to Milan. Yes, I want the opportunity to do it, but how am I as an individual supposed to feel satisfied with the trip if I don’t feel satisfied with the person I am right now? I think of materials and holidays as a bonus to the satisfaction one feels within himself.

Another problem with satisfaction is this thing called LOVE. We all look for our soul mate. Our perfect partner. The person that completes up entirely. Then I think to myself, everyone wants a perfect relationship with a brilliant lifestyle. The struggle we have right now, is feeling satisfied and loving ourselves. Yes we are suppose to put people first but how are we suppose to do that, if we are incomplete in ourselves? You can’t enter a relationship with the hope that another person will solve your problems and makes you happy. You enter a relationship because through growth, you and your partner can learn from each other and have an abundance of satisfication. If you read my post on perfect relationships, then you would understand the clarity of knowing what you want and acceptance. I have expectations for a relationship, but before I get any female that I desire, I have to act in the way I described my perfect female, because how I present myself is what I will attract. Pauline, a fellow blogger, clearly states that in her post about attraction.

Satisfaction for me comes from my belief in God. I believe that he guides me to everything that needs to be present in my life. He helps me to understand my purpose. He helps me to solve situations that are problematic. He just gives me an answer to all my problems in the most clear way ever. As long I feel satisfied in my belief in God, I believe I will always be satisfied within myself, and no one can ever top that feeling. PERIOD!

The Power Of Conversation

In Uncategorized on September 20, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Growing up, I have realised that how we communicate with each other is so powerful in the sense that we all have different ways of holding conversations with people. We all speak different languages, with different dialects and talk to people in such a way that relates to our emotions, feelings, and opinions.

Conversation is not a skill we are born with or inhabit, but something we learn over long periods of time. To learn how to hold a conversation takes years of practice. You have to learn how hold a subject of discussion, how to respond to expected and unexpected comments, statements and opinions and how to conduct yourself as a professional individual. Of course not every conversation you have in life, expects you to be professional but you have to professional in the sense that you deliver in the way you wanted to even though your subject may be lets say…..comic.

My opinions on conversation are that every individual should have an idea about what they want to talk about before they speak. Every individual should understand both sides of a conversation, since every story has two sides. The power of your conversation, comes from your conviction in your voice, which is rooted in your understanding of your topic and a formal stand point. And finally, any good conversation needs an end or time out where time is given to reflect on how powerful or life changing, a conversation has been.

Every conversation is powerful. Every conversation should be credited. And since we all live in a world full of knowledge, there has to be something extraordinary that has come from one great conversation.

WHY CHANGE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

In Relationships, Self Help on September 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Why change? Why fit her character? Why misrepresent and relinquish the power of your own name to fit her standard?

Those are the question I ask myself everyday. Life is too precious to suck into another human beings character. Life is too precious to change your character to fit another persons character. Life is too powerful to be a fool who adopts a false character that clearly misrepresents his or her past and present.

I once in my life wanted to be a popular kid is school. I wanted to be the guy who everyone wants to go to for advice. I wanted to be the most confident guy. I wanted to be the guy who speaks and everyone listens to with attentive ears. I then realised and asked myself these question: Do I actually need that to look confident and powerful? Do I want it so I can be put on a pedestal? Or do I want it to be acknowledged by those I belittle or tag as inferior to me?

The beauty of life is ones ability to separate and be unique from the other individuals that surround him or her. Not unique because he or she wants to not do what others are doing. The reason an individual becomes a unique individual is because he or she does something for the benefit of themselves, not for the pleasure of others.

My college life is like this. I go to classes. I speak to girls I like. I hang out with people I admire because I relate to their values and beliefs in life, success, ambition and positivity. While that is happening, I am constantly battling this one demon. This one demon that seems to lurk up on a typical teenage boy going through a early social stage in his life. A strange demon that entices you towards the opposite sex that you love and hate at the same time. I can’t describe the demon, but it brings you to the ever so mysterious female.

Females have this thing that attracts men to them. Is it the rush of hormones that gets men excited when the opposite sex is in their vision. This uncontrollable force within that takes control over your body, actions, thoughts and feelings. The question is how do you control it?

The massive struggle in life for me, is understanding that my character is precious. The character I present to the world is precious. My personal character, that I present to every single individual, male or female has to be respectful and the same, regardless of the type of individual I am talking to. The struggle most guys like me go through at 17 years old, is understanding that some women will just not like your character. You cannot pretend to make a girl like you. You cannot put on a fake personality, because a girl can suck it out of you. You just have to be yourself, regardless of how beautiful or how interesting a girl may be.

I would be walking through college, and yes, there are a couple girls I notice all the time, purely because of attraction. A part of me says ‘Derrick, just be SWAG.’ A part of me says ‘Derrick, be yourself, not everyone will like you. Just be honest.’ I realise out of common sense, that logically, my own character that is truthful is the best character to present to girls. So of course that character should be exploited beautifully. But a part of me and in a lot of human beings is this solution, let’s change our character slightly to appeal to the opposite sex. And of course, if you change your character, it is just WRONG. A girl who notices the fake character you first presented her with, compared to your real character you later presented, is more damaging than a girl who can’t accept your true character. Why lie and reject your powerful character? Everyone has a personality, so of course people will have different opinions and judgments about you and how you look, how you speak, how you carry yourself.

If you are able to be yourself always, and be honest about your feelings, you will notice the real people that truly appreciate your character. I am done trying to play the game of how to get a girl and taking advice from friends that have their own method. I am done trying to guess a girls personality so I can adapt to hers in the most unnatural way. I am about being me, and making friends with those that are naturally real in themselves, and being.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

In Self Help on September 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Everything in my life, has happened for a reason. Everything that has happened in your life, has happened for a reason.

I wonder how many people actually believe this amazing accusation. I definitely do. I notice that everyting in the world interconnects in some way that makes the world flow in the most extraordinary, most weird and most beautiful way. Of course many things happen in life that we regret, but if we changed the plan of life and could go back in time, what we experience now or later on in life could dramatically change.

Imagine, the time when you met your best friend, or caught the bus to work, or met your boyfriend or girlfriend for the very first time. Imagine what life would like if you shifted the pattern and path of your life for a split second. I bet you wouldn’t have done or achieved the thing that you have achieved now. That clearly shows that the world is so powerful in its connectiveness.

I went to college yesterday and I had no intention of meeting anyone. I got to college early, because I took an early bus which I just caught and met this person, who is now my friend. I caught the bus with a friend who goes to my church. I suspect that if I didn’t catch that bus, with my friend from church, I wouldn’t have laughed on the bus, or met my new friend at college who I get along with pretty well. The world is so strange in its design, it always seems to amaze me.

I live to be the best everyday. I live to go with the flow. I try to never regret or wish for another outcome. I just accept that this path of life, or this present experience is just powerful beyond measure. Life is beautiful, just the way it is. Why wish to go back and repair what is so fascinating?

DON’T CHASE GIRLS IF YOU WANT A GOOD LIFE

In Relationships, Self Help on September 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

If you want a good or fruitful life, don’t chase girls. They will seriously slow you down.

Everyone wants the perfect relationship, or the relationship that lasts forever. We all want it, most of us are positively driven human beings.

I went to college for induction recently, and my first instinct was ‘wow, look at all these beautiful women.’ Now, I knew to myself, if I talk to these girls, friend zone and brother Derrick comes out. And clearly they will be a distraction. I need to focus and lay the foundations for my future.

This is and was my solution. Admire from a far. Work hard so I get the ideal life I aspire to get. Be myself and do everything in my power to make sure every action or word Derrick comes out with, is truly honest, and valuable.

Girls will slow you down, if you don’t understand why you are educating yourself in an educational institution. The girls that truly appreciate you and care for you will not bother you when you invest in your future by investing in something so powerful called knowledge. Girls that aren’t at your level will make reasons why you should be hanging out with them instead of getting the grades. They won’t out right say that, but their approach is deadly.

Why would you want to get into a relationship that doesn’t help you develop as a person, but belittles your potential. Who can you talk to that appreciates you and what you have to say, and wants to support you?

Little Story:

I was at break for 20 minutes at college. I was hanging out with my friends Geneva and Darren (most kindest and loveliest couple in school). I was talking to them about general things, summer break, and ambitions. I saw this lonely girl by herself, who was in my old class, before I moved to a new class in the same morning. My college sometimes have classes with over capacity at the start of the year. Well a part of me was thinking introduce myself, get to know new people. And a part of me was saying, no need, first day, CONCENTRATE! 

I was having two voices in my head. My friend Ali, who taught me everything I knew about women this year, would say ‘Derrick, grow some balls, and talk to her, you never know.’ My brother Etim would say ‘Why would you do it? What are you gaining from it. You go to college to learn so go with the flow of education and a woman will be in your path and direction of travel. May be next to you, may be in front or behind you, but definitely valuable when she and you find each other.’ So I ducked out and continued my day, and I can honestly say, I don’t feel regret. 

Balancing personal and social development is so key to achieving the best from life. Some people chase money, some chase love, some chase girls and some people simply chase.  So my advice to all the people reading is admire, invest, go with your individual flow and enjoy the wait for the right person.

If you want to be the top lawyer in the country, or the best music artist, or the next specialist doctor, why would you consume your valuable time trying to attract girls. I thought women like guys who are themselves. Giving mixed messages of your pretend and real character can damage how you interact with women and what they think of you. If you are pretentious and a girl gives into it, then she won’t like your honest character. And don’t be yourself  in front of a girl then change to a pretentious character to overly impress a girl. It just isn’t cool.

Let life take control!

PERFECT RELATIONSHIP

In Relationships, Self Help on September 3, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Perfect relationships do not exist. They have never existed and never will exist. We are all human beings learning as we go along. One couple may get along better than another couple, but one thing is absolutely certain, they all have their problems and challenges.

I used to think to myself, I don’t need to look for anyone because the perfect woman will come and I will be above and beyond satisfied. After years of maturity and self development, I realised that every single person you encounter, will have personality traits you won’t like. It is what makes us unique individuals in a such a diverse society.

You may exhibit a perfect relationship and think to yourself ‘they are a perfect match.’ Honestly, you are only seeing the happy moments and days they have, and you may never ever see the struggles they go through, because they are able to manage their relationship in such a way, that both parties are incredibly happy. I once told someone on Twitter, as long as the person you are in a relationship with is incredibly positive around you and you have amazing experiences with them, where your fun together outweighs your challenges, you are only destined to live forever. If you are constantly arguing and have awful days where you are constantly negatively challenging each other to see who is better, of course you are not matched.

Relationships are about compromise and acceptance. A person has to be fully sure that their potential partner makes them happy, and that they are willing to accept their flaws because what makes them great, is powerful beyond belief. 

I thought I would just let all bloggers out their know what my ideal partner is, and what character traits she should have. This is an ideal, so it is unlikely I would actually find this person, but I am willing to accept her flaws if our time together, is nothing but magical.

  • Beautiful Mind
  • Open Minded
  • Intelligent
  • Adventurous
  • Honest
  • Loyal
  • Family Orientated
  • Funny
  • Brave
  • Not skinny, likes to eat, but not overweight
  • I love black women, just browse my Tumblr

Being patient and developing a friendship with foundation is truly what makes a relationship GREAT, not PERFECT. Go through struggles and hardship as friends, and if you successfully pass through them, while still standing up strong, I think you will be everlastingly happy.