TheLookoutDiary

Archive for the ‘Self Help’ Category

POETRY IS THE THERAPY I MADE LOVE TO

In Poetry, Self Help on November 23, 2012 at 4:32 pm

If you haven’t noticed, I have been writing more poetry posts than anything else on my blog. I usually post something related to a learning experience. A learning experience I would like to share with people with the hope of inspiring positive change, but I have been addicted to writing poetry recently. Poetry has become my guide, my love and my solution to problems I just can’t figure out by thinking in ‘normal’ ways. Normal isn’t even the word to describe it. I just feel poetry gives me a very clear picture and hope.

I feel poetry allows me to become very creative in my expression and make me happy when I feel down. I feel shy talking about embarrassing moments in my life and I feel lost in talking in complexity so my devout lover is my poetry. I can write a poem in 20 mins and then feel a change in my life in a couple hours after release.

I don’t write poetry to make money or to become famous. I don’t care if people like it or not. I care most about me expressing myself to myself, and uplifting myself for good. If I can have a pen, and a piece of paper or my Blackberry, I am forever lost in my lyrics and nothing can interrupt that secret, colourful zone that erupts with words that buzz, tingle, and transform me and others that read my work.

I have a national poetry slam final coming up in London, and I guess I need to prepare for it. And I guess poetry is the therapist I made love to…..

CHARLIE ROSE MADE ME THINK ABOUT PASSION AND PURPOSE

In Self Help on November 12, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I was watching Charlie Rose today on Bloomberg. One of my favourite channels on TV. I don’t ever watch Charlie Rose but I know he interviews successful and great people that are doing life changing things in their field of work, talents and passion. Today Charlie Rose was interviewing Dan Stevens (Downton Abbey), David Strathairn (The Bourne Trilogy) and Jessica Chastain (The Help) on the play ‘ The Heiress,’ which is currently being shown on Broadway.

What I found interesting about this particular show is that they were talking about passion and the purpose of a person. Charlie Rose said something so clear about purpose and a person wanting to do something:

I want to become a writer. Instead, I have to write.

I think Charlie Rose couldn’t have said it better. You can’t say to yourself ‘I want to become a writer.’ I think you just have to do it. You have to have the feeling inside you that you have to write, or you have to do something. The feeling that when you do it, you will feel satisfied. You can’t say to yourself you want to become. You just got to instinctively feel within yourself, that it is your duty to do something life changing. It doesn’t have to be writing, it could be acting, it could be singing, it could to become an athlete. A part of you has a self created mission statement that makes very clear that you have to complete that mission. No ifs, no buts, just do!

My advice to anyone reading this. Don’t over think your desires in life. If you don’t know what to do, just relax and explore everything as much as you can. I remember Jessica Chastain saying on Charlie Rose that has her grandmother took her to see a production. She was really young at the time, and she saw a small girl her age on stage, and automatically knew it wasn’t what she wanted to do, but something she felt connected with and had to do. Something she felt deep within that made her think ‘I need to be on that stage, right there, in that position, portraying that character.’ And of course, Jessica Chastain is a brilliant actress. She stuck to her plan, stuck to her desire, stuck to her purpose and flourished. Just like prominent actor David Strathairn.

Nothing stopped these people in their path, because they knew they were working towards a great and satisfying result. I keep thinking, how come I can’t read a book fast and complete it in a week. I just don’t apply my passion. Jessica Chastain on the other hand, finished reading the script of ‘The Heiress’ on a plane journey. Yes it is her job, but it is a job she loves to wakes up every morning thinking ‘This makes me happy and complete.’ I guarantee that is how she feels. I don’t have to reference that statement.

Love what you do always. Look deep within yourself to find purpose, and simply love every moment you live.

PEOPLE’S STUPIDITY WILL FAIL YOU

In Relationships, Self Help, Travel on November 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Every time you take someones criticism personally, you will fail.

Every time you accomplish someone else’s dream, you will fail.

Every time you indulge in someone else’s stupidity, you shall fail.

Every time you think of changing your dream, you will automatically lose your chance to be happy and therefore you will fail.

Every time you over think about your chances of your dream becoming true, you actually don’t really want it and as a consequence, you will fail.

Every time you ever doubt yourself, you will fuck up and fail.

I hate when people tell me they can’t accomplish something because of the chances. I hate that excuse above everything. To be honest, I don’t care about anyone’s criticism. A persons criticism is an insecurity within themselves.  Just live how you wish to be by working hard from now.

I have three dreams in life so far, only being 17 right now.

  • Travel Writer: Someone who travels the world and writes books, magazines, and online articles on the topic of culture, relationships and how the motive of sharing and receiving love makes us interconnected in the most beautiful way.
  • Take care of my family
  • Have a beautiful wife, who has and lives the same dream as me through our love and commitment.

If I accomplish those, I am seriously a happy person.

Why can’t you be happy doing what you want in your life?

NEVER EVER STOP DREAMING. NEVER ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH STUPIDITY. FIND LIKE MINDED PEOPLE. DON’T STOP WORKING TILL YOUR WORK IS DONE.  BE EXTREMELY HAPPY AND JUST LIVE YOUR DREAM!!

PLEASING PEOPLE

In Relationships, Self Help on October 21, 2012 at 10:31 am

You know when you do something to please someone?

You know when you do something to make someone like you?

You know when you lose your own sense of identity because you adapted to the personality that fits another person you are trying to impress?

We all know that feeling. The feeling like our own self worth is less than the other person. The feeling of lack of satisfaction, because we lack entertainment in our own lives. It is truly present in today’s society, especially with the rise in advanced technological communications. We all want to please people, because we want to get along with them, and hopefully build a strong friendship with them.

The important question is this: When does our pleasing people personality become detrimental to our own personal developing personality?

I think personally, as long as you don’t go beyond your values and beliefs, and you are aware of what pleasing you are doing, then I think it is perfectly okay. As long as you don’t lose your standpoint, your grounded identity, I guess you can adapt to someone else’s way of life. We all have to do it, because we have to compromise in a life, where everyone has difference. It makes the world a tad more entertaining. Thank God for DNA.

Never do something to please someone unless you truly mean it. Only please someone when you know the outcome is going to make you a stronger, more intelligent, more aware individual. So don’t like Bridget Jones, because the girl you are attracted to likes Bridget Jones. Continue to like Avatar or Spiderman and hope that she accepts you for who you are, and vice versa.

NEVER EVER ASSUME

In Self Help on October 14, 2012 at 11:51 pm

” Assume nothing, question everything ” – James Patterson

One key lesson, I have learned from life is to never assume anything. I have to also admit that I personally love making assumptions. I get a thrill from assuming things, as long as my assumptions don’t jeapardise my flow of life (ie. friendship development or well being). A lot of people make assumptions based on appearance and that is clearly shallow, since you can’t judge a book by it’s cover and you cannot be absolutely certain about anything without actual experience.

For me, a lot of the things I like, don’t relate to my appearance. My clothing style is smart and really casual. Behind my black skin, and dress code, is not a book worm or library worm, but a guy who loves hip hop, loves to write, loves the concept of travelling and a plane enthusiast. Also I really like being social with people, but if you saw me behind a white screen, you couldn’t predict those things about me. You would naturally have a list of ideas. I went out today, with my friends to Heathrow Airport to take pictures of planes, and we all dressed as if we were going to skate. We got a few weird looks since we didn’t have suitcases or big luggage bags, but once we all took out our camera phones, and SLR cameras, people were just thinking ‘plane spotters?’ The thing about that particular experience, is that we look like typical teenagers that would go out and skate (we do), go cinema, and play computer games. Actually, our interests and hobbies all centralised around planes and travelling, while we all have particular interests. One of my friends likes photography, another likes martial arts, another likes aviation, and I love to write.

When you assume, you are either trying to solve something quickly, move quickly from point A to point B or simply don’t feel secure with exploration. When I don’t assume, the journey of life becomes more interesting, because I notice things I would have never noticed, if I made a quick judgement. Also when you spend time getting to know people, not for their looks, but their character, you have more of a chance of meeting people that would be great friends of yours, best friends, potential boyfriends/girlfriends and just amazing people who could be life changing.

The question is why would you want to make an assumption on someone who you don’t know? Why don’t you want to forget about appearance, even though appearance is a natural occurrence in attraction? Maybe assume less, and explore more is the way forward.

WHY ARE GOOD PEOPLE HARD TO FIND?

In Relationships, Self Help on October 4, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I am confident that, in the end, common sense and justice will prevail. I’m an optimist, brought up on the belief that if you wait to the end of the story, you get to see the good people live happily ever after. – Cat Stevens

I never understood that. I know the world has a lot of awful people. We have terrorists, we have rapists, murderers, pedophiles and crazies. One thing, I never understood is why good people are hard to find. I mean, if everyone is trying to be the best they can be, how come it is hard to find a person that matches your character.

Life throws challenges at us everyday. Challenges that make us think hard. Challenges that make us temporarily fall. Challenges that stretch us way past our comfort zone. The people that stick by you when you go through challenges, and notice and endure your absolute low, and absolute high, are the people that are good and worthwhile people to invest in the long run.

The thing is, everyone’s interpretation of good is different, so I guess it is up to us as human beings to really look deep in ourselves and ask ourselves these two questions:

1. What is a good person to us?

2. Are we willing to be patient, learn from ourselves and learn from others, while being open, so we can increase the chance of meeting a good person that fits our character.

Good people are rare because what one person may think is a good person, another person might think of as a devil. For me, I have met good people, and I have also met bad people. I just want to keep investing in those rare people, while hoping for the best with everyone else I meet in my lifetime.

CHANGE

In Self Help on October 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

You know when life says to you ‘You need to change. You need to shift from what you are doing now, to something new.’ I experienced that recently. I was had a job, and I had my fair share of challenges. The challenges kept coming, and I kept trying to solve them. I notice that a lot of the challenges I was trying to solve were out of my control. I further challenged myself to solve what was unsolvable, only because I had a lack of resources that could eradicate the problem and make me happy.

I then realised something. When you try to solve something that is so rigid, you create more problems if the problem is so against you? Why not just shift and change your lifestyle and look for better? I kept thinking that to myself for the last few weeks and realised that I need to just take the leap of faith and just do what makes me happy. I say money doesn’t bring happiness, which is absolutely true in my opinion. I also believe that just trying something new in the hope for a amazing outcome, is a massive risk, but I am willing to do it, if the reward is greatness.

The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them… Whether you find satisfaction in life depends not on your tale of years, but on your will. – Michel de Montaigne

So, I shifted my thought process from indulging in problems with overly complex solutions, to finding a new angle and strategy that can allow me to flourish in my talents. I hope to grow in my new venture as an individual that is on this planet to experience what life has to offer. And I am openly willing to learn, expand my knowledge, and grow into a strong man. A man that doesn’t have the muscle (wouldn’t mind) but has clarity in his reasoning, understanding and application of knowledge into the real world.

 

WHAT DRIVES MY HARD WORK. AMBITION

In Self Help on October 1, 2012 at 1:26 am

Today, I did the longest ever study session of my life, and I still feel amazing and full of energy. I started studying at 3:00pm, after going to the gym from 11:00 to 12:30 and then coming home to eat brunch and then update my Tumblr. I finished studying minutes to midnight with frequent breaks and a power nap (20mins). The best thing ever happened to me in terms understanding what drives my hard work and determination, which I didn’t have before, but started applying recently when starting college. Last year I flopped pretty much all my exams because I counted the hours I worked everyday, applying quantity rather than quality. I thought to myself if I put in 3 hours today, I will be up to scratch and be able to relax a little bit. That type of thought or drive is completely wrong and should have never been my driving force for success. It sets your up for failure and puts you on the borderline, just like it did for me.

What has started to drive me in terms of hard work and application is my ability to empty my cup (full of preconceptions of self standard) and take every learning opportunity as a new experience. In addition, I constantly think about my ambitions, and dreams in life. I used to think that success is luck, and that you don’t have to work hard, hard to become successful, but hard enough. I then realised that hard work and success differentiates you from lazy people. If you want something that is amazing, exclusive and life changing, you’re going to have to shift your mind set from doing what is necessary to do what is overcapacity so you’re full with more knowledge than you need, so you can reach further and beyond. If everyone is able to have what you want, it must mean it is cheap and quick to obtain, but if what you want is something like a million dollar mansion, of course you will have to work hard to be the best, since million dollar mansions are not available to everyone. Obviously, because there are very few millionaires on this planet. So when I think about what I want in life, I realise that they aren’t available to everyone, so as a smart individual, I have to work harder than everyone else to be on top of my game and be the be the best at whatever I am doing. I cannot settle for less, or settle at the standard of the majority, because where the majority stand is an easy and comfortable position that has many people complaining for better.

A good technique of finding your motivation to work hard is to simply write down everything you want to achieve in life, and put them in a list of importance. Then write down what you need to achieve what you want, and then just simply apply yourself after. If you have no idea what you want to achieve in life, simply work hard in everything you do, explore and become adventurous.

FEELING SATISFIED

In Relationships, Self Help on September 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

In the last couple weeks I have been questioning my identity, purpose and values. I have fundamental values that are rooted in moral principles. I do things that are good, instead of doing things that are seen to be right. The challenge I am facing right now is the question of how and when do you feel ultimate satisfaction in your life? I am questioning if money brings satisfaction, or does love bring satisfaction, or does focusing on your purpose bring satisfaction and how do you manage it and get the ball rolling for a beautiful and satisfying life.

I can’t lie and say that growing up to the age of 17, I haven’t thought that happiness and satisfaction comes from the salary threshold. The salary threshold, being a certain amount of income that brings an abundance of living. Being 17 now, I think it is actually bogus. A household income can never satisfy a human being. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. The truth is, when you make a certain amount of money, all you will feel is the need to make even more money because it opens up more opportunity, that can satisfy your rush for material ownership. Of course, I constantly tell myself, ‘I wish I had one million pounds right now, so I could travel from London to Miami, Miami to New York, and New York to Milan. Yes, I want the opportunity to do it, but how am I as an individual supposed to feel satisfied with the trip if I don’t feel satisfied with the person I am right now? I think of materials and holidays as a bonus to the satisfaction one feels within himself.

Another problem with satisfaction is this thing called LOVE. We all look for our soul mate. Our perfect partner. The person that completes up entirely. Then I think to myself, everyone wants a perfect relationship with a brilliant lifestyle. The struggle we have right now, is feeling satisfied and loving ourselves. Yes we are suppose to put people first but how are we suppose to do that, if we are incomplete in ourselves? You can’t enter a relationship with the hope that another person will solve your problems and makes you happy. You enter a relationship because through growth, you and your partner can learn from each other and have an abundance of satisfication. If you read my post on perfect relationships, then you would understand the clarity of knowing what you want and acceptance. I have expectations for a relationship, but before I get any female that I desire, I have to act in the way I described my perfect female, because how I present myself is what I will attract. Pauline, a fellow blogger, clearly states that in her post about attraction.

Satisfaction for me comes from my belief in God. I believe that he guides me to everything that needs to be present in my life. He helps me to understand my purpose. He helps me to solve situations that are problematic. He just gives me an answer to all my problems in the most clear way ever. As long I feel satisfied in my belief in God, I believe I will always be satisfied within myself, and no one can ever top that feeling. PERIOD!

WHY CHANGE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

In Relationships, Self Help on September 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Why change? Why fit her character? Why misrepresent and relinquish the power of your own name to fit her standard?

Those are the question I ask myself everyday. Life is too precious to suck into another human beings character. Life is too precious to change your character to fit another persons character. Life is too powerful to be a fool who adopts a false character that clearly misrepresents his or her past and present.

I once in my life wanted to be a popular kid is school. I wanted to be the guy who everyone wants to go to for advice. I wanted to be the most confident guy. I wanted to be the guy who speaks and everyone listens to with attentive ears. I then realised and asked myself these question: Do I actually need that to look confident and powerful? Do I want it so I can be put on a pedestal? Or do I want it to be acknowledged by those I belittle or tag as inferior to me?

The beauty of life is ones ability to separate and be unique from the other individuals that surround him or her. Not unique because he or she wants to not do what others are doing. The reason an individual becomes a unique individual is because he or she does something for the benefit of themselves, not for the pleasure of others.

My college life is like this. I go to classes. I speak to girls I like. I hang out with people I admire because I relate to their values and beliefs in life, success, ambition and positivity. While that is happening, I am constantly battling this one demon. This one demon that seems to lurk up on a typical teenage boy going through a early social stage in his life. A strange demon that entices you towards the opposite sex that you love and hate at the same time. I can’t describe the demon, but it brings you to the ever so mysterious female.

Females have this thing that attracts men to them. Is it the rush of hormones that gets men excited when the opposite sex is in their vision. This uncontrollable force within that takes control over your body, actions, thoughts and feelings. The question is how do you control it?

The massive struggle in life for me, is understanding that my character is precious. The character I present to the world is precious. My personal character, that I present to every single individual, male or female has to be respectful and the same, regardless of the type of individual I am talking to. The struggle most guys like me go through at 17 years old, is understanding that some women will just not like your character. You cannot pretend to make a girl like you. You cannot put on a fake personality, because a girl can suck it out of you. You just have to be yourself, regardless of how beautiful or how interesting a girl may be.

I would be walking through college, and yes, there are a couple girls I notice all the time, purely because of attraction. A part of me says ‘Derrick, just be SWAG.’ A part of me says ‘Derrick, be yourself, not everyone will like you. Just be honest.’ I realise out of common sense, that logically, my own character that is truthful is the best character to present to girls. So of course that character should be exploited beautifully. But a part of me and in a lot of human beings is this solution, let’s change our character slightly to appeal to the opposite sex. And of course, if you change your character, it is just WRONG. A girl who notices the fake character you first presented her with, compared to your real character you later presented, is more damaging than a girl who can’t accept your true character. Why lie and reject your powerful character? Everyone has a personality, so of course people will have different opinions and judgments about you and how you look, how you speak, how you carry yourself.

If you are able to be yourself always, and be honest about your feelings, you will notice the real people that truly appreciate your character. I am done trying to play the game of how to get a girl and taking advice from friends that have their own method. I am done trying to guess a girls personality so I can adapt to hers in the most unnatural way. I am about being me, and making friends with those that are naturally real in themselves, and being.