TheLookoutDiary

Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

PEOPLE’S STUPIDITY WILL FAIL YOU

In Relationships, Self Help, Travel on November 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Every time you take someones criticism personally, you will fail.

Every time you accomplish someone else’s dream, you will fail.

Every time you indulge in someone else’s stupidity, you shall fail.

Every time you think of changing your dream, you will automatically lose your chance to be happy and therefore you will fail.

Every time you over think about your chances of your dream becoming true, you actually don’t really want it and as a consequence, you will fail.

Every time you ever doubt yourself, you will fuck up and fail.

I hate when people tell me they can’t accomplish something because of the chances. I hate that excuse above everything. To be honest, I don’t care about anyone’s criticism. A persons criticism is an insecurity within themselves.  Just live how you wish to be by working hard from now.

I have three dreams in life so far, only being 17 right now.

  • Travel Writer: Someone who travels the world and writes books, magazines, and online articles on the topic of culture, relationships and how the motive of sharing and receiving love makes us interconnected in the most beautiful way.
  • Take care of my family
  • Have a beautiful wife, who has and lives the same dream as me through our love and commitment.

If I accomplish those, I am seriously a happy person.

Why can’t you be happy doing what you want in your life?

NEVER EVER STOP DREAMING. NEVER ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH STUPIDITY. FIND LIKE MINDED PEOPLE. DON’T STOP WORKING TILL YOUR WORK IS DONE.  BE EXTREMELY HAPPY AND JUST LIVE YOUR DREAM!!

PLEASING PEOPLE

In Relationships, Self Help on October 21, 2012 at 10:31 am

You know when you do something to please someone?

You know when you do something to make someone like you?

You know when you lose your own sense of identity because you adapted to the personality that fits another person you are trying to impress?

We all know that feeling. The feeling like our own self worth is less than the other person. The feeling of lack of satisfaction, because we lack entertainment in our own lives. It is truly present in today’s society, especially with the rise in advanced technological communications. We all want to please people, because we want to get along with them, and hopefully build a strong friendship with them.

The important question is this: When does our pleasing people personality become detrimental to our own personal developing personality?

I think personally, as long as you don’t go beyond your values and beliefs, and you are aware of what pleasing you are doing, then I think it is perfectly okay. As long as you don’t lose your standpoint, your grounded identity, I guess you can adapt to someone else’s way of life. We all have to do it, because we have to compromise in a life, where everyone has difference. It makes the world a tad more entertaining. Thank God for DNA.

Never do something to please someone unless you truly mean it. Only please someone when you know the outcome is going to make you a stronger, more intelligent, more aware individual. So don’t like Bridget Jones, because the girl you are attracted to likes Bridget Jones. Continue to like Avatar or Spiderman and hope that she accepts you for who you are, and vice versa.

WHY ARE GOOD PEOPLE HARD TO FIND?

In Relationships, Self Help on October 4, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I am confident that, in the end, common sense and justice will prevail. I’m an optimist, brought up on the belief that if you wait to the end of the story, you get to see the good people live happily ever after. – Cat Stevens

I never understood that. I know the world has a lot of awful people. We have terrorists, we have rapists, murderers, pedophiles and crazies. One thing, I never understood is why good people are hard to find. I mean, if everyone is trying to be the best they can be, how come it is hard to find a person that matches your character.

Life throws challenges at us everyday. Challenges that make us think hard. Challenges that make us temporarily fall. Challenges that stretch us way past our comfort zone. The people that stick by you when you go through challenges, and notice and endure your absolute low, and absolute high, are the people that are good and worthwhile people to invest in the long run.

The thing is, everyone’s interpretation of good is different, so I guess it is up to us as human beings to really look deep in ourselves and ask ourselves these two questions:

1. What is a good person to us?

2. Are we willing to be patient, learn from ourselves and learn from others, while being open, so we can increase the chance of meeting a good person that fits our character.

Good people are rare because what one person may think is a good person, another person might think of as a devil. For me, I have met good people, and I have also met bad people. I just want to keep investing in those rare people, while hoping for the best with everyone else I meet in my lifetime.

FEELING SATISFIED

In Relationships, Self Help on September 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

In the last couple weeks I have been questioning my identity, purpose and values. I have fundamental values that are rooted in moral principles. I do things that are good, instead of doing things that are seen to be right. The challenge I am facing right now is the question of how and when do you feel ultimate satisfaction in your life? I am questioning if money brings satisfaction, or does love bring satisfaction, or does focusing on your purpose bring satisfaction and how do you manage it and get the ball rolling for a beautiful and satisfying life.

I can’t lie and say that growing up to the age of 17, I haven’t thought that happiness and satisfaction comes from the salary threshold. The salary threshold, being a certain amount of income that brings an abundance of living. Being 17 now, I think it is actually bogus. A household income can never satisfy a human being. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. The truth is, when you make a certain amount of money, all you will feel is the need to make even more money because it opens up more opportunity, that can satisfy your rush for material ownership. Of course, I constantly tell myself, ‘I wish I had one million pounds right now, so I could travel from London to Miami, Miami to New York, and New York to Milan. Yes, I want the opportunity to do it, but how am I as an individual supposed to feel satisfied with the trip if I don’t feel satisfied with the person I am right now? I think of materials and holidays as a bonus to the satisfaction one feels within himself.

Another problem with satisfaction is this thing called LOVE. We all look for our soul mate. Our perfect partner. The person that completes up entirely. Then I think to myself, everyone wants a perfect relationship with a brilliant lifestyle. The struggle we have right now, is feeling satisfied and loving ourselves. Yes we are suppose to put people first but how are we suppose to do that, if we are incomplete in ourselves? You can’t enter a relationship with the hope that another person will solve your problems and makes you happy. You enter a relationship because through growth, you and your partner can learn from each other and have an abundance of satisfication. If you read my post on perfect relationships, then you would understand the clarity of knowing what you want and acceptance. I have expectations for a relationship, but before I get any female that I desire, I have to act in the way I described my perfect female, because how I present myself is what I will attract. Pauline, a fellow blogger, clearly states that in her post about attraction.

Satisfaction for me comes from my belief in God. I believe that he guides me to everything that needs to be present in my life. He helps me to understand my purpose. He helps me to solve situations that are problematic. He just gives me an answer to all my problems in the most clear way ever. As long I feel satisfied in my belief in God, I believe I will always be satisfied within myself, and no one can ever top that feeling. PERIOD!

WHY CHANGE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

In Relationships, Self Help on September 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Why change? Why fit her character? Why misrepresent and relinquish the power of your own name to fit her standard?

Those are the question I ask myself everyday. Life is too precious to suck into another human beings character. Life is too precious to change your character to fit another persons character. Life is too powerful to be a fool who adopts a false character that clearly misrepresents his or her past and present.

I once in my life wanted to be a popular kid is school. I wanted to be the guy who everyone wants to go to for advice. I wanted to be the most confident guy. I wanted to be the guy who speaks and everyone listens to with attentive ears. I then realised and asked myself these question: Do I actually need that to look confident and powerful? Do I want it so I can be put on a pedestal? Or do I want it to be acknowledged by those I belittle or tag as inferior to me?

The beauty of life is ones ability to separate and be unique from the other individuals that surround him or her. Not unique because he or she wants to not do what others are doing. The reason an individual becomes a unique individual is because he or she does something for the benefit of themselves, not for the pleasure of others.

My college life is like this. I go to classes. I speak to girls I like. I hang out with people I admire because I relate to their values and beliefs in life, success, ambition and positivity. While that is happening, I am constantly battling this one demon. This one demon that seems to lurk up on a typical teenage boy going through a early social stage in his life. A strange demon that entices you towards the opposite sex that you love and hate at the same time. I can’t describe the demon, but it brings you to the ever so mysterious female.

Females have this thing that attracts men to them. Is it the rush of hormones that gets men excited when the opposite sex is in their vision. This uncontrollable force within that takes control over your body, actions, thoughts and feelings. The question is how do you control it?

The massive struggle in life for me, is understanding that my character is precious. The character I present to the world is precious. My personal character, that I present to every single individual, male or female has to be respectful and the same, regardless of the type of individual I am talking to. The struggle most guys like me go through at 17 years old, is understanding that some women will just not like your character. You cannot pretend to make a girl like you. You cannot put on a fake personality, because a girl can suck it out of you. You just have to be yourself, regardless of how beautiful or how interesting a girl may be.

I would be walking through college, and yes, there are a couple girls I notice all the time, purely because of attraction. A part of me says ‘Derrick, just be SWAG.’ A part of me says ‘Derrick, be yourself, not everyone will like you. Just be honest.’ I realise out of common sense, that logically, my own character that is truthful is the best character to present to girls. So of course that character should be exploited beautifully. But a part of me and in a lot of human beings is this solution, let’s change our character slightly to appeal to the opposite sex. And of course, if you change your character, it is just WRONG. A girl who notices the fake character you first presented her with, compared to your real character you later presented, is more damaging than a girl who can’t accept your true character. Why lie and reject your powerful character? Everyone has a personality, so of course people will have different opinions and judgments about you and how you look, how you speak, how you carry yourself.

If you are able to be yourself always, and be honest about your feelings, you will notice the real people that truly appreciate your character. I am done trying to play the game of how to get a girl and taking advice from friends that have their own method. I am done trying to guess a girls personality so I can adapt to hers in the most unnatural way. I am about being me, and making friends with those that are naturally real in themselves, and being.

DON’T CHASE GIRLS IF YOU WANT A GOOD LIFE

In Relationships, Self Help on September 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

If you want a good or fruitful life, don’t chase girls. They will seriously slow you down.

Everyone wants the perfect relationship, or the relationship that lasts forever. We all want it, most of us are positively driven human beings.

I went to college for induction recently, and my first instinct was ‘wow, look at all these beautiful women.’ Now, I knew to myself, if I talk to these girls, friend zone and brother Derrick comes out. And clearly they will be a distraction. I need to focus and lay the foundations for my future.

This is and was my solution. Admire from a far. Work hard so I get the ideal life I aspire to get. Be myself and do everything in my power to make sure every action or word Derrick comes out with, is truly honest, and valuable.

Girls will slow you down, if you don’t understand why you are educating yourself in an educational institution. The girls that truly appreciate you and care for you will not bother you when you invest in your future by investing in something so powerful called knowledge. Girls that aren’t at your level will make reasons why you should be hanging out with them instead of getting the grades. They won’t out right say that, but their approach is deadly.

Why would you want to get into a relationship that doesn’t help you develop as a person, but belittles your potential. Who can you talk to that appreciates you and what you have to say, and wants to support you?

Little Story:

I was at break for 20 minutes at college. I was hanging out with my friends Geneva and Darren (most kindest and loveliest couple in school). I was talking to them about general things, summer break, and ambitions. I saw this lonely girl by herself, who was in my old class, before I moved to a new class in the same morning. My college sometimes have classes with over capacity at the start of the year. Well a part of me was thinking introduce myself, get to know new people. And a part of me was saying, no need, first day, CONCENTRATE! 

I was having two voices in my head. My friend Ali, who taught me everything I knew about women this year, would say ‘Derrick, grow some balls, and talk to her, you never know.’ My brother Etim would say ‘Why would you do it? What are you gaining from it. You go to college to learn so go with the flow of education and a woman will be in your path and direction of travel. May be next to you, may be in front or behind you, but definitely valuable when she and you find each other.’ So I ducked out and continued my day, and I can honestly say, I don’t feel regret. 

Balancing personal and social development is so key to achieving the best from life. Some people chase money, some chase love, some chase girls and some people simply chase.  So my advice to all the people reading is admire, invest, go with your individual flow and enjoy the wait for the right person.

If you want to be the top lawyer in the country, or the best music artist, or the next specialist doctor, why would you consume your valuable time trying to attract girls. I thought women like guys who are themselves. Giving mixed messages of your pretend and real character can damage how you interact with women and what they think of you. If you are pretentious and a girl gives into it, then she won’t like your honest character. And don’t be yourself  in front of a girl then change to a pretentious character to overly impress a girl. It just isn’t cool.

Let life take control!

PERFECT RELATIONSHIP

In Relationships, Self Help on September 3, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Perfect relationships do not exist. They have never existed and never will exist. We are all human beings learning as we go along. One couple may get along better than another couple, but one thing is absolutely certain, they all have their problems and challenges.

I used to think to myself, I don’t need to look for anyone because the perfect woman will come and I will be above and beyond satisfied. After years of maturity and self development, I realised that every single person you encounter, will have personality traits you won’t like. It is what makes us unique individuals in a such a diverse society.

You may exhibit a perfect relationship and think to yourself ‘they are a perfect match.’ Honestly, you are only seeing the happy moments and days they have, and you may never ever see the struggles they go through, because they are able to manage their relationship in such a way, that both parties are incredibly happy. I once told someone on Twitter, as long as the person you are in a relationship with is incredibly positive around you and you have amazing experiences with them, where your fun together outweighs your challenges, you are only destined to live forever. If you are constantly arguing and have awful days where you are constantly negatively challenging each other to see who is better, of course you are not matched.

Relationships are about compromise and acceptance. A person has to be fully sure that their potential partner makes them happy, and that they are willing to accept their flaws because what makes them great, is powerful beyond belief. 

I thought I would just let all bloggers out their know what my ideal partner is, and what character traits she should have. This is an ideal, so it is unlikely I would actually find this person, but I am willing to accept her flaws if our time together, is nothing but magical.

  • Beautiful Mind
  • Open Minded
  • Intelligent
  • Adventurous
  • Honest
  • Loyal
  • Family Orientated
  • Funny
  • Brave
  • Not skinny, likes to eat, but not overweight
  • I love black women, just browse my Tumblr

Being patient and developing a friendship with foundation is truly what makes a relationship GREAT, not PERFECT. Go through struggles and hardship as friends, and if you successfully pass through them, while still standing up strong, I think you will be everlastingly happy.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO NOW?

In Relationships on August 30, 2012 at 1:01 pm

So I am a single, 17 year old and living life positively. I guess that is what matters right??

So when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, I was like, I am going to learn from my mistakes, not judge anyone, and not try to change any individual to fit my character. I will be myself, learn from others and speak less, and listen more. That has always been my motto in life, but I never took it seriously till I broke up with my ex-girlfriend.

A couple months go by, and I feel like a changed individual. I am happy. I get along with people a lot more. I am more accepting and I am seeing the positivity in everyone. But one thing I constantly think about is ‘why would your ex-girlfriend be so interested in who you are talking too?’ I thought that doesn’t matter if you break up and move on, unless your ex secretly still likes you.

Since positivity should be self driven by self development, of course you don’t need to snoop in and out of peoples lives, like you are a CIA agent, reporting to cupid.  Move on, learn from what you have experienced but don’t try to relive what you have already lived. It won’t ever have the same value. It doesn’t matter what you do.

I am happy anyway. I love laughter, positivity, smiles and just the good feeling inside that says life will just okay.

RELATIONSHIP TO WORK: PROFESSIONALISM VS FUN

In Relationships, Self Help on August 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

This summer, I have been working at BANG Radio. When it comes to work, I enjoy it. I prefer working than going to school. My anticipation to get to my desk and get things done is seriously infectious in my sickening work ethic. Some people look forward to the weekend. I look forward to Monday. I love to chill out, watch films and be lazy, but I think holiday leave is the best time to do nothing. One of the massive challenges I face at work, especially working in a dynamic, fast pace radio station, full of young people and older people, is understanding the difference between professionalism and fun.

I consider myself really mature, but when I am serious, I am very serious. When I am having fun, I don’t take anything seriously. Finding the middle point in a working environment, I find immensly difficult. I watch ‘The Newsroom’ (favourite show) on Sky Atlantic and it may not be the best interpretation of a workplace, but when things are serious, you see it clearly depicted in Aaron Sorkin’s depiction of a news desk and broadcasting news network. I could see myself working professionally, while knowing when I leave the office, everything changes and the fun begins. But when you work with young and very dynamic people, the principles for effective work is even more complex and strange.

I realise my relationship with people at work is either extremely serious, or a journey of complete procrastination and immense failure in producing results. I get frustrated at times, when my point isn’t heard. I recently had an argument in a work meeting recently, and of course things stirred up, and I got annoyed, frustrated, pissed, and obviously reacted unprofessionally (I still love working don’t worry). I felt dissapointed in how I dealt with my situation, and of course I was angry, but I realised anger is not an effective approach to progression. I realised that I genuinely feel bad judging people, that is why I never judge. I have a shortfall where I like to have control in order to reduce my fear of failure or dissapointment. So, as a 17 year old teenager that is constantly discovering himself, sometimes not making any sense, I am constantly battling against my own identity, how important I am, and how I can put myself forward as a respectable person, rather than a joke.

So why I am writing this post?

Professionalism and fun at work is just one of those nitty gritty subjects that gets people thinking, and sometimes not thinking. Thinking before you speak, speaking without thinking, thinking so much and not acting without reason is just a constant mystery and conflict. How you deal with it, is by learning from failure and by uplifting yourself and finally uplifting those that want to join you in the GREAT RISE.

PROLONG A FRIENDSHIP BEFORE ANY RELATIONSHIP

In Relationships, Self Help on August 11, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Prolong a friendship for as long as possible. Plant the seeds before the tree is ready to grow and shoot.

Why do I say prolong a friendship? I say prolong a friendship for as long as possible because it allows the foundations to be planted deep in the soil. The soil is only rich if the foundations of a relationship is catered for and examined for a long time. What does that mean in plain English? What I am saying is before you jump into a relationship, hoping for the best without preparing for the worse, you need to make sure you understand the person you are going out with. I am not saying understand them perfectly, but fully make sure you and your future partner have similar interests. I have said before that values and beliefs are very important, but if the girl doesn’t like the same food as you or the same kind of movies, you will have problems. You and your partner need to enjoy each others company to the very last second. You need to like the same things as your partner so there is no quarrels or disagreements. Of course sometimes you might need to compramise but if your partner only likes Jazz, and you hate it, there will be problems, regardless of how strong the values you have with one another.

You may have have the same values as your partner, but if the approach isn’t the same or similar then there will be a few problems. You both may believe in success, but what success means for one individual, may not be the same for another. This is very deep stuff because connectivity and similarity in how you and your partner live your lives needs to combine together like half a heart with the other half of a heart. The heart doesn’t work effectively if one heart is purple, and the other is red. It doesn’t matter if they are the same size and diameter.

I have had amazing and less amazing friendships. What I have realised is that friendships last longer than relationships in a very generalised sense. The reason relationships work so well is because two parties realised that before they took the leap of faith, they made sure they wore their helmet and had the right size suit to execute a fantastic dive and smooth landing. If you don’t build a friendship based on foundations and similar interests, you will have a crash landing and it won’t be nice. Take as long as possible to prepare yourself for the jump or leap. It is seriously worth it. Yes, women will get bored. And yes, men will get bored if the person is taking so long, but if you wait long enough, someone who is right for you will wait with you and for you. They will stand by you when you fall, and fly with you when you rise.

Sometimes, you and another person may jump into a relationship not knowing much about the other person, only hoping for the best. What I can say from experience is don’t let all the glamour of being in a relationship get into your head. It is hard work, it if fun, but if you don’t prepare yourself or are ready, you will flop. Don’t only look at the positives, but examine the negatives and see whether you can cope with the person.

Ask yourself this harshly: DO THE POSITIVES OF THIS RELATIONSHIP OUTWEIGH THE NEGATIVES GREATLY?

You should never lower your standards to fit another person. You should never say another woman or man is a standard. Only standard yourself. You should never continue a relationship for the sake of it. You should never try to change a person, only accept. If you cannot accept the person, don’t be in that relationship.

It is majorly important that you ask simple questions towards your partner or friend. Questions like ‘Tell me about your morning.’ Simple questions are always the best questions because the way a man or woman answers it, can either attract you to them or make you less interested in them. An individual has the ability to approach their story of their morning, but the way this particular woman or man described it, attracted you to them. May seem trash talk, but believe me, it makes a hell of a difference.

Simplicity is key in any relationship. Being deep is important but if you are simple, there is no need to be deep because everything complex, was once simple.

I never used the word love in this post because love comes when your friendship is exactly what you want it to be. You will know when it hits you. I do not need to explain.