TheLookoutDiary

Posts Tagged ‘Friendship’

WHY ARE GOOD PEOPLE HARD TO FIND?

In Relationships, Self Help on October 4, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I am confident that, in the end, common sense and justice will prevail. I’m an optimist, brought up on the belief that if you wait to the end of the story, you get to see the good people live happily ever after. – Cat Stevens

I never understood that. I know the world has a lot of awful people. We have terrorists, we have rapists, murderers, pedophiles and crazies. One thing, I never understood is why good people are hard to find. I mean, if everyone is trying to be the best they can be, how come it is hard to find a person that matches your character.

Life throws challenges at us everyday. Challenges that make us think hard. Challenges that make us temporarily fall. Challenges that stretch us way past our comfort zone. The people that stick by you when you go through challenges, and notice and endure your absolute low, and absolute high, are the people that are good and worthwhile people to invest in the long run.

The thing is, everyone’s interpretation of good is different, so I guess it is up to us as human beings to really look deep in ourselves and ask ourselves these two questions:

1. What is a good person to us?

2. Are we willing to be patient, learn from ourselves and learn from others, while being open, so we can increase the chance of meeting a good person that fits our character.

Good people are rare because what one person may think is a good person, another person might think of as a devil. For me, I have met good people, and I have also met bad people. I just want to keep investing in those rare people, while hoping for the best with everyone else I meet in my lifetime.

Advertisements

TAKES SOMETHING SMALL TO MAKE ME SMILE

In Self Help on August 25, 2012 at 12:27 am

I just wanted to write a small post about how bad situations can instantly become good situations with the little nice comment, conversation or message someone can send to you, after a pretty negative day. We all have bad days. The days we want to swear recklessly. The days we want to give up and quit.

One thing we don’t realise is that if we are really postive, anything can brighten up our day. If we are positively driven by making a difference to our lives, then we can easily change our performance. Like I said in my last post, I had a bad day. What happened next was this beautiful stranger friend from Spain was like  ‘hi,’ on Facebook, and of course I was in no mood to stay negative or become majorly happy. Strangely the positive vibe she had, made a difference to our conversation. The fact we don’t dwell on the past, but move forward to happy outcomes.

So all I wanted to say in this post is never dwell on the negatives in life, and just be happy living and always live to be great within yoursellf. And ALWAYS, ALWAYS try to end your day with a smile. Makes a huge difference.

PROLONG A FRIENDSHIP BEFORE ANY RELATIONSHIP

In Relationships, Self Help on August 11, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Prolong a friendship for as long as possible. Plant the seeds before the tree is ready to grow and shoot.

Why do I say prolong a friendship? I say prolong a friendship for as long as possible because it allows the foundations to be planted deep in the soil. The soil is only rich if the foundations of a relationship is catered for and examined for a long time. What does that mean in plain English? What I am saying is before you jump into a relationship, hoping for the best without preparing for the worse, you need to make sure you understand the person you are going out with. I am not saying understand them perfectly, but fully make sure you and your future partner have similar interests. I have said before that values and beliefs are very important, but if the girl doesn’t like the same food as you or the same kind of movies, you will have problems. You and your partner need to enjoy each others company to the very last second. You need to like the same things as your partner so there is no quarrels or disagreements. Of course sometimes you might need to compramise but if your partner only likes Jazz, and you hate it, there will be problems, regardless of how strong the values you have with one another.

You may have have the same values as your partner, but if the approach isn’t the same or similar then there will be a few problems. You both may believe in success, but what success means for one individual, may not be the same for another. This is very deep stuff because connectivity and similarity in how you and your partner live your lives needs to combine together like half a heart with the other half of a heart. The heart doesn’t work effectively if one heart is purple, and the other is red. It doesn’t matter if they are the same size and diameter.

I have had amazing and less amazing friendships. What I have realised is that friendships last longer than relationships in a very generalised sense. The reason relationships work so well is because two parties realised that before they took the leap of faith, they made sure they wore their helmet and had the right size suit to execute a fantastic dive and smooth landing. If you don’t build a friendship based on foundations and similar interests, you will have a crash landing and it won’t be nice. Take as long as possible to prepare yourself for the jump or leap. It is seriously worth it. Yes, women will get bored. And yes, men will get bored if the person is taking so long, but if you wait long enough, someone who is right for you will wait with you and for you. They will stand by you when you fall, and fly with you when you rise.

Sometimes, you and another person may jump into a relationship not knowing much about the other person, only hoping for the best. What I can say from experience is don’t let all the glamour of being in a relationship get into your head. It is hard work, it if fun, but if you don’t prepare yourself or are ready, you will flop. Don’t only look at the positives, but examine the negatives and see whether you can cope with the person.

Ask yourself this harshly: DO THE POSITIVES OF THIS RELATIONSHIP OUTWEIGH THE NEGATIVES GREATLY?

You should never lower your standards to fit another person. You should never say another woman or man is a standard. Only standard yourself. You should never continue a relationship for the sake of it. You should never try to change a person, only accept. If you cannot accept the person, don’t be in that relationship.

It is majorly important that you ask simple questions towards your partner or friend. Questions like ‘Tell me about your morning.’ Simple questions are always the best questions because the way a man or woman answers it, can either attract you to them or make you less interested in them. An individual has the ability to approach their story of their morning, but the way this particular woman or man described it, attracted you to them. May seem trash talk, but believe me, it makes a hell of a difference.

Simplicity is key in any relationship. Being deep is important but if you are simple, there is no need to be deep because everything complex, was once simple.

I never used the word love in this post because love comes when your friendship is exactly what you want it to be. You will know when it hits you. I do not need to explain.

IT’S NOT ABOUT LOOKING, IT’S ABOUT LIVING

In Relationships, Self Help on November 1, 2011 at 1:04 am

A lot of people my age (16) are getting into relationships in college with people that they just met. After a month or less, they have broken up and back to being friends. A lot of them continue living their life like they didn’t just have a relationship and some actually felt like they had something special and worth keeping. I think being 16, people are still too young to understand the complexity of a relationship. We should be teenagers and enjoy the friendships we have with people, than get into relationships that don’t last very long due to the lack of chemistry. I personally believe, when we are young, we are learning how to treat people in a friendship and how to make a friendship flourish. I believe once we understand how to keep a friendship flourishing, then a committed relationship is the next step.

Being in a relationship is about being at ease with another individual. We should feel comfortable being around them and laugh with them naturally, instead of forcing it to please one another. I personally, haven’t been in a relationship but I have had really good friendships with people. Some friendships become so close, that you give your female friend the the sister role instead of a potential future girlfriend.  You can learn so much from a sister about relationships than anywhere else, mainly because your ‘sister’ is a female herself. If you don’t have a friend like that, you should interact with more females and find one. You could just talk to a bunch of random females you meet on the street, if you have the confidence to ask them for an outside opinion. They will most likely answer your friendly question if you come across as genuinely curious instead of a freak that has been stalking them since they left Starbucks, and crossed the street opposite McDonald’s.

I would also advise any teenage guy who isn’t in a relationship to concentrate on what they are passionate about because if you do, females would admire that, because it shows that women are not on your mind 24/7. I realised this myself, and was told the exact same thing by some of my beautiful female friends from college. I do hang out with women but I do take the time to work on my passion which is writing. I am not pursuing women, but most importantly pursuing my passion for writing. I want to inspire many by my words, and what that means is not looking for women because I know, and you should definitely know, that women will always be there.

I asked a few of my friends for their personal opinion on what is needed for long and lasting relationship. Here are some of their thoughts.

Daniel Cayford:  

”Knowing about what they actually want from life, and seeing how the two of you, together, are stronger than when you were single.”

Christian Hayward: 

”Knowing each other in a extended bit of time and not having sex on the first date.”

Makeda D. O-Cole: 

” You shouldn’t enter something, you know with all your heart, isn’t going to go somewhere and doesn’t have a future.”

A relationship is supposed to last; it isn’t supposed about showing off to your friends that you have girlfriend or boyfriend. It is about liking someone who you really connect with. It is also about sharing the same values and common interests with another individual that makes you happy. Love the people you socially connect with, and develop a lasting and meaningful friendship with your friends. The rest will come in time.

What do you think? Do you agree with what I think? What is your verdict on a lasting relationship or even developing a lasting friendship?

The Stranger

In Uncategorized on October 11, 2011 at 9:53 pm

MATURE CONTENT!

I love being a stranger to people. They don’t know anything about me and I don’t know anything about them. I can show any persona of myself that I want and all that the strangers of my personality can do is either accept it or deny it. That is the true beauty of being a stranger.

In college, I have made a group of amazing friends that are really honest people. What I mean is that we are all crazy in our own way and it works because at least when your freaky,  interesting, and your funny shitty behaviour comes out, everyone accepts it and it’s honest!

In the last couple weeks, I have become less of a stranger and more of ‘the guy’ that people know around school. I am not trying to act like I am popular. I am still Derrick, the weird guy with a ‘strange’ mind and messed up but brilliant persona.

Everyone feels weird in a groups at first but we gradually feel comfortable after some time. One of my friends (Ali) was average (my word for boring)  at first, then his funny character blossomed and I have to say, I haven’t met anyone funnier than him. That is the same for my other friends Makeda, Elliot, Geneva, Pablo, Amy, Chioma, Christian and Alie!

What everyone should take from this post is that we will always feel weird around new people, but once we feel comfortable, we all become crazy and look like we take drugs!

A FRIEND, A COMPANION

In Uncategorized on July 7, 2011 at 4:13 pm

We meet people all the time. We meet people online, on the street, at shops and even on the train. When meeting people you build a friendship and sometimes you don’t. The best friendships are the friendships that can work without a lot of effort. The friendships that work are the ones that another persons flaws can be laughed about rather than hinder the relationship.

I believe that in order for a friendship to grow and become invincible in the world known as earth, you need to be reliable, understanding, willing to take risks and also willing to accept the flaws that exist in one person. I have a weird character that a lot of people will dispise and some will gladly accept as being ‘DERRICK.’ I believe that everyone should be themselves always when making friends because that keeps things real and allows friendships to last. A person that is not true to themselves can be sussed and once they are then what and who are they.

I really wanted to write this because everyday, I meet people that I don’t know. Some of the people I meet, I would love to be their friends in the long run and some I wouldn’t to be perfectly honest. I really want people to understand that a friendship is like a rollercoaster. The best time is travelling high up and seeing the sky and wishing for what awaits. The bad part is when the roller coaster tips and travels downwards and swerves. That is the challenging part when arguments happen, not understanding one person for the other and sometimes ignoring the other person for a reason. Also for reasons the other person cannot comprehend. To keep soaring high, you need to commit yourself and hold on tight like when the belt of a roller coaster fastens and takes control.

A friend should be forever but sometimes he or she shall fade unexpectedly. They say you can count your friends on one hand, that is absolutely true. The ones that support you and care for you are the ones that will stick by you whatever situation you are in, especially in so-called-life.

Question: What do you expect in a friend?