TheLookoutDiary

Posts Tagged ‘Psychology’

PLEASING PEOPLE

In Relationships, Self Help on October 21, 2012 at 10:31 am

You know when you do something to please someone?

You know when you do something to make someone like you?

You know when you lose your own sense of identity because you adapted to the personality that fits another person you are trying to impress?

We all know that feeling. The feeling like our own self worth is less than the other person. The feeling of lack of satisfaction, because we lack entertainment in our own lives. It is truly present in today’s society, especially with the rise in advanced technological communications. We all want to please people, because we want to get along with them, and hopefully build a strong friendship with them.

The important question is this: When does our pleasing people personality become detrimental to our own personal developing personality?

I think personally, as long as you don’t go beyond your values and beliefs, and you are aware of what pleasing you are doing, then I think it is perfectly okay. As long as you don’t lose your standpoint, your grounded identity, I guess you can adapt to someone else’s way of life. We all have to do it, because we have to compromise in a life, where everyone has difference. It makes the world a tad more entertaining. Thank God for DNA.

Never do something to please someone unless you truly mean it. Only please someone when you know the outcome is going to make you a stronger, more intelligent, more aware individual. So don’t like Bridget Jones, because the girl you are attracted to likes Bridget Jones. Continue to like Avatar or Spiderman and hope that she accepts you for who you are, and vice versa.

NEVER EVER ASSUME

In Self Help on October 14, 2012 at 11:51 pm

” Assume nothing, question everything ” – James Patterson

One key lesson, I have learned from life is to never assume anything. I have to also admit that I personally love making assumptions. I get a thrill from assuming things, as long as my assumptions don’t jeapardise my flow of life (ie. friendship development or well being). A lot of people make assumptions based on appearance and that is clearly shallow, since you can’t judge a book by it’s cover and you cannot be absolutely certain about anything without actual experience.

For me, a lot of the things I like, don’t relate to my appearance. My clothing style is smart and really casual. Behind my black skin, and dress code, is not a book worm or library worm, but a guy who loves hip hop, loves to write, loves the concept of travelling and a plane enthusiast. Also I really like being social with people, but if you saw me behind a white screen, you couldn’t predict those things about me. You would naturally have a list of ideas. I went out today, with my friends to Heathrow Airport to take pictures of planes, and we all dressed as if we were going to skate. We got a few weird looks since we didn’t have suitcases or big luggage bags, but once we all took out our camera phones, and SLR cameras, people were just thinking ‘plane spotters?’ The thing about that particular experience, is that we look like typical teenagers that would go out and skate (we do), go cinema, and play computer games. Actually, our interests and hobbies all centralised around planes and travelling, while we all have particular interests. One of my friends likes photography, another likes martial arts, another likes aviation, and I love to write.

When you assume, you are either trying to solve something quickly, move quickly from point A to point B or simply don’t feel secure with exploration. When I don’t assume, the journey of life becomes more interesting, because I notice things I would have never noticed, if I made a quick judgement. Also when you spend time getting to know people, not for their looks, but their character, you have more of a chance of meeting people that would be great friends of yours, best friends, potential boyfriends/girlfriends and just amazing people who could be life changing.

The question is why would you want to make an assumption on someone who you don’t know? Why don’t you want to forget about appearance, even though appearance is a natural occurrence in attraction? Maybe assume less, and explore more is the way forward.

WHY ARE GOOD PEOPLE HARD TO FIND?

In Relationships, Self Help on October 4, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I am confident that, in the end, common sense and justice will prevail. I’m an optimist, brought up on the belief that if you wait to the end of the story, you get to see the good people live happily ever after. – Cat Stevens

I never understood that. I know the world has a lot of awful people. We have terrorists, we have rapists, murderers, pedophiles and crazies. One thing, I never understood is why good people are hard to find. I mean, if everyone is trying to be the best they can be, how come it is hard to find a person that matches your character.

Life throws challenges at us everyday. Challenges that make us think hard. Challenges that make us temporarily fall. Challenges that stretch us way past our comfort zone. The people that stick by you when you go through challenges, and notice and endure your absolute low, and absolute high, are the people that are good and worthwhile people to invest in the long run.

The thing is, everyone’s interpretation of good is different, so I guess it is up to us as human beings to really look deep in ourselves and ask ourselves these two questions:

1. What is a good person to us?

2. Are we willing to be patient, learn from ourselves and learn from others, while being open, so we can increase the chance of meeting a good person that fits our character.

Good people are rare because what one person may think is a good person, another person might think of as a devil. For me, I have met good people, and I have also met bad people. I just want to keep investing in those rare people, while hoping for the best with everyone else I meet in my lifetime.

WHY CHANGE FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING?

In Relationships, Self Help on September 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Why change? Why fit her character? Why misrepresent and relinquish the power of your own name to fit her standard?

Those are the question I ask myself everyday. Life is too precious to suck into another human beings character. Life is too precious to change your character to fit another persons character. Life is too powerful to be a fool who adopts a false character that clearly misrepresents his or her past and present.

I once in my life wanted to be a popular kid is school. I wanted to be the guy who everyone wants to go to for advice. I wanted to be the most confident guy. I wanted to be the guy who speaks and everyone listens to with attentive ears. I then realised and asked myself these question: Do I actually need that to look confident and powerful? Do I want it so I can be put on a pedestal? Or do I want it to be acknowledged by those I belittle or tag as inferior to me?

The beauty of life is ones ability to separate and be unique from the other individuals that surround him or her. Not unique because he or she wants to not do what others are doing. The reason an individual becomes a unique individual is because he or she does something for the benefit of themselves, not for the pleasure of others.

My college life is like this. I go to classes. I speak to girls I like. I hang out with people I admire because I relate to their values and beliefs in life, success, ambition and positivity. While that is happening, I am constantly battling this one demon. This one demon that seems to lurk up on a typical teenage boy going through a early social stage in his life. A strange demon that entices you towards the opposite sex that you love and hate at the same time. I can’t describe the demon, but it brings you to the ever so mysterious female.

Females have this thing that attracts men to them. Is it the rush of hormones that gets men excited when the opposite sex is in their vision. This uncontrollable force within that takes control over your body, actions, thoughts and feelings. The question is how do you control it?

The massive struggle in life for me, is understanding that my character is precious. The character I present to the world is precious. My personal character, that I present to every single individual, male or female has to be respectful and the same, regardless of the type of individual I am talking to. The struggle most guys like me go through at 17 years old, is understanding that some women will just not like your character. You cannot pretend to make a girl like you. You cannot put on a fake personality, because a girl can suck it out of you. You just have to be yourself, regardless of how beautiful or how interesting a girl may be.

I would be walking through college, and yes, there are a couple girls I notice all the time, purely because of attraction. A part of me says ‘Derrick, just be SWAG.’ A part of me says ‘Derrick, be yourself, not everyone will like you. Just be honest.’ I realise out of common sense, that logically, my own character that is truthful is the best character to present to girls. So of course that character should be exploited beautifully. But a part of me and in a lot of human beings is this solution, let’s change our character slightly to appeal to the opposite sex. And of course, if you change your character, it is just WRONG. A girl who notices the fake character you first presented her with, compared to your real character you later presented, is more damaging than a girl who can’t accept your true character. Why lie and reject your powerful character? Everyone has a personality, so of course people will have different opinions and judgments about you and how you look, how you speak, how you carry yourself.

If you are able to be yourself always, and be honest about your feelings, you will notice the real people that truly appreciate your character. I am done trying to play the game of how to get a girl and taking advice from friends that have their own method. I am done trying to guess a girls personality so I can adapt to hers in the most unnatural way. I am about being me, and making friends with those that are naturally real in themselves, and being.

CHANGE OF MINDSET

In Self Help on August 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm

My mindset a couple hours ago was purely about getting by. Not actually exceeding my potential. I had a mindset of a person that would just like to get by in life. I have hopes and aspirations, but never really put anything towards it. Yes, I have a few talents that I am praised for and proud of,  such as my writing, but even with that, I haven’t exactly pushed myself hard enough to be the best.

Not getting the desired outcome I expect, causes me to trip over mentally. I have aspirations to travel, explore the world, have a nice house, and have an amazing group of friends, but the honest truth is that I have never really pushed hard for it. I do the minimum to get by, but never the over and above. The only time I push myself, is when I am doing a sport. The reason I push myself then, is because my mindset from a young age, was embedded with the fact that I have to always do better than last time in any physical sport. I thank my mum for instilling that in me, from the age of 5.

The mindset of the typical individual is ‘let’s do what we need to do to survive and that’s okay, as long as we are secure.’ If an individual does enough to survive, he or she doesn’t have to push harder to out perform his or her last achievement. For me, I need to realise, in order for me to achieve even 10% of my ambitions, I need to push hard and reach deep. Nothing comes easy, nothing is simple. To be the best you got to work hard, every single day till you perfect your craft and get the result you desired.

My mindset is no longer, get it done so I can have a break but let’s have a break when the job has been done properly. A perfect time doesn’t exist, because when you look for perfect times, you miss opportunity.

RELATIONSHIP TO WORK: PROFESSIONALISM VS FUN

In Relationships, Self Help on August 24, 2012 at 9:58 pm

This summer, I have been working at BANG Radio. When it comes to work, I enjoy it. I prefer working than going to school. My anticipation to get to my desk and get things done is seriously infectious in my sickening work ethic. Some people look forward to the weekend. I look forward to Monday. I love to chill out, watch films and be lazy, but I think holiday leave is the best time to do nothing. One of the massive challenges I face at work, especially working in a dynamic, fast pace radio station, full of young people and older people, is understanding the difference between professionalism and fun.

I consider myself really mature, but when I am serious, I am very serious. When I am having fun, I don’t take anything seriously. Finding the middle point in a working environment, I find immensly difficult. I watch ‘The Newsroom’ (favourite show) on Sky Atlantic and it may not be the best interpretation of a workplace, but when things are serious, you see it clearly depicted in Aaron Sorkin’s depiction of a news desk and broadcasting news network. I could see myself working professionally, while knowing when I leave the office, everything changes and the fun begins. But when you work with young and very dynamic people, the principles for effective work is even more complex and strange.

I realise my relationship with people at work is either extremely serious, or a journey of complete procrastination and immense failure in producing results. I get frustrated at times, when my point isn’t heard. I recently had an argument in a work meeting recently, and of course things stirred up, and I got annoyed, frustrated, pissed, and obviously reacted unprofessionally (I still love working don’t worry). I felt dissapointed in how I dealt with my situation, and of course I was angry, but I realised anger is not an effective approach to progression. I realised that I genuinely feel bad judging people, that is why I never judge. I have a shortfall where I like to have control in order to reduce my fear of failure or dissapointment. So, as a 17 year old teenager that is constantly discovering himself, sometimes not making any sense, I am constantly battling against my own identity, how important I am, and how I can put myself forward as a respectable person, rather than a joke.

So why I am writing this post?

Professionalism and fun at work is just one of those nitty gritty subjects that gets people thinking, and sometimes not thinking. Thinking before you speak, speaking without thinking, thinking so much and not acting without reason is just a constant mystery and conflict. How you deal with it, is by learning from failure and by uplifting yourself and finally uplifting those that want to join you in the GREAT RISE.

HOW I STAY PATIENT

In Self Help on July 10, 2012 at 3:46 pm

You know I am not patient. Give me a break, and hurry up!

Patience is one of those skills that a lot of people suffer from. They just can’t seem to get their head around the concept of patience. How to be patient. How to maximise patience. How to feel patient and not feel lonely. What does patience even teach you in the first place??

Those are the sort of statements people wonder about after realising they aren’t patient and haven’t got anything to do apart from being patient. Patience is depressing and frustrating for people my age (17), and that really exists in college and normal everyday life. I could be in class and everyone is counting down the minutes to the end of the lesson. I do too. It is really long, and people lose focus on the task at hand, and end up learning nothing. We become blind to how important our lives are and that we should invest every second of our lives becoming better people and not wishing for the end to come. Speaking from experience, I am a person that used to be the most impatient person ever. I am really organised and plan well, but I lacked the ability to sit and wait for people or things.

Patience could either be your best friend or your worse enemy in your life. I love patience (amazingly). The point when I can wait for something to come instead of having it straight away. The point of wondering what will come and the outcome of what I am being patient for. In addition, I have become more content with myself since I am a patient individual. I feel good 9.5/10 times in the day and that is all because I am allowing life to happen when it wants to and that seems to factor positively in my own development.  If patience is your best friend, it can guide you to a fruitful and positive life that can only make you grow into a better person. A patient person is able to learn what is there and what is work taking advantage of in the seconds he or she has. If patience is your worse enemy then expect conflict with the world. It will hurt you, because you want to jump five steps on an imbalanced pavement instead of taking and acknowledging every step beautifully as it comes.

Like I said earlier in the post, I used to be impatient, but I have changed. As a teenager living in London, everything seems to happen so fast and people would say ‘If you live in New York, things keep moving, so keep up.’ I believe that it doesn’t matter where you are. Stay patient and think about everything you experience and just keep trusting yourself and forever you will live beautifully. Your patience is like your safe house. Keep it a secret. Keep it to yourself, and embrace it. Don’t let anyone know about it, where it is, or what is looks like. Your patience keeps you sane, like your safe house keeps you safe.

If you struggle with patience, just think about the beautiful things that exists right there and then. Work on what’s there. That’s all it takes.

ENJOY LIVING 24/7

WHY I DON’T GET ANGRY?

In Self Help on June 23, 2012 at 3:33 am

Why Don’t I Get Angry?

The law of attraction allows me to be positive in the most depressing and negative times. I may experience something that is really bad or supposedly negative, but because of the law of attraction, I am constantly the happiest man alive.

The law of attraction says that if you attract positivity, you get positive outcomes. If you attract negativity, you get negative outcomes. This works in all aspects of my life. If I am positive towards this post and think of this post as something life changing. It is more than likely to be life changing and motivating because of my positive attraction towards it.

I rarely ever get angry in my life, because when I have an experience, I only allow despair to be present for a couple minutes. If I am in despair, because of something very deep, I look at the situation, have sorrow and despair present in my soul, but my positivity keeps me moving and helps me find positive solutions that will slowly solve the puzzle that has been shuffled, separated and randomised.

This links to the fact that I am never really that fazed or disgusted by people, experiences or things in life. Some people call me mad and say ‘Derrick, do you ever feel like lashing out?’ I always tell them ‘Yes, always!’ The fact that we have many emotions, we are allowed to express negativity but if that dominates our lives, then we will be negative human beings that attract negative outcomes.

In addition, this links to everything we do in life. From doing an exam paper, to writing a book, to going to the gym and eating the right foods. If we are not willing to feed our soul with positivity, how do we attract positivity in our daily lives. Our success, is paved by the route we take to success, not the time taken to get there. If we worry about the time rather than the route and journey, we will get no where. If we look too deeply at the negatives in our dreams and hopes, we will never reach there or get the best result out of our chosen hopes and dreams.

So why don’t I get angry often? I just allow positivty to dominate my life. I never allow anyone to tell me negative things that diminish my chances of success. I keep an open mind so I can be critiqued and critical in my thinking. I use critique positively and I never think of myself as more important than anyone else. I am just one, like every other human being in the world. I just keep pushing for sucess and happiness, since despair and defeat are not in my vocabulary anymore.

We will feel sad and hurtful, sometimes pain, but that is just life. We are supposed to feel that when we experience challenges. Just fight it, and be the person on top. Start you day with something positive and finish it with something positive.

Perfection never teaches you. Despair and negative outcomes do, since they are not what you want. You are willing to learn from what you don’t want, since you want something greater. Something that fulfils your happiness, fills you with joy and purpose in life.

Bad Timing

In Self Help on June 17, 2012 at 6:17 pm

We all have bad timing. It is something we experience and learn from everyday. Bad timing for catching a bus, bad timing for a Facebook comment that doesn’t make sense and bad timing for saying something in public that doesn’t make sense.

I have learned in my life, that when we experience ‘bad timing,’ we don’t need to think so much about our actions but instead think less and rationally. From my own experience, I have had bad timing for many things. Some are minor, some not. The second thing I have learned is that as long as we are breathing, we can progress and do amazing things that go beyond that one negative thought or action.

We should live by believing in our instinct. Our instinct gives us a quick solution. The solution should be something that naturally comes and doesn’t take hurtful thinking. The easy solution that pops in your head shouldn’t be misinterpreted for a bad decision. If something is easy, it doesn’t mean it is bad or less amazing or life changing.

Go with the flow, and believe in your instincts. Live to the fullest by believing in your thoughts. Never think more than you need to because at the end of the day, everything becomes easier when you learn from your experiences and mistakes.

WATCHING IN SILENCE

In Self Help on May 28, 2012 at 1:49 pm

The power of silence is extraordinary. Extraordinary always keeps us going.

We live in a world where we have to speak to be heard, shout to be heard over those that speak, feel courage to say what we feel, stick by what we say and never change our character when we stand for something. What if silence was the way forward to an extraordinary, positively filled life of prosperity.

What would life be like if we were just silent for a change. If we just kept silent and watched life happen. If we just listened to people and listened to what every individual we came in contact with said. I believe we would learn so much about ourselves and what we truly value and believe in. Progression as individuals is always best when we speak less, listen and absorb.

I have realised that when we are silent, and ask well thought out and valuable questions, we begin to gain respect from those that are afraid to ask questions. In addition, people admire those that have the courage to ask what they don’t know in confidence. Furthermore, when we are silent, we seem to understand a lot more, because we do not beg to speak or to be heard at every given second we have opportunity to chat absolute useless crap. I am not saying be silent always and preserve what you want to say, but instead think before you speak and speak exactly what you mean, as long as you understand what you are about to say, and people are going to understand your thinking out loud thoughts.