TheLookoutDiary

Posts Tagged ‘women’

I DON’T LOOK FOR GIRLS! THEY WILL COME TO ME….IN TIME

In Relationships, Self Help on March 4, 2012 at 11:15 pm

When it comes to women (time to date women not girls), I have high expectations and beliefs. Still not forgetting, I turned 17 just the other day! You know the crazy moment in your life, when you realise that education is your main priority and that you shouldn’t be looking for girls, I think that defines me totally. I do see beautiful girls all the time, especially when I am going to and from college everyday. My expectations in a woman used to be very high and virtually impossible to find. I looked at a girls appearance, hoping the girl had an amazing character to match. Sadly, a pretty girls girls appearance, never matched her character, and that truly shocked me until I realised, it was something frequent and not unusual. The less attractive girls, had absolutely incredible characters. I realised that looks isn’t everything and beyond a woman’s appearance, is a character no one could compete with.

As a college student, I seriously don’t have the time to compete for girls, or even look for them. I am not saying I change sides to make life easier. I believe that as a teenager, I need to lay the foundation to my long life ahead. I can’t rely on women to do it for me, and I can’t rely on luck either. I have to invest in my own life and take the appropriate steps to accomplish my goals. Life is too short to look for girls. STANDARD!

If you invest in your worth as a man or teenager, you will attract the women who want your company, your power, your worth, your intelligence and most importantly your love, which you don’t give up so quickly. The more you care for yourself and your own foundation as an intelligent and insightful human being, the more attractive you become. My family keep telling me all the time, work hard, work hard, work hard, work hard. It has come to a time when I realise, that l have full control of my own life and so does everyone else on this planet. If you want control, you need to be able to grab control from the horns and keep hold of it, till the day you die.

And yes, let me clarify and assure you, women will come to me and all of you in time. Love yourself, and others around you. BE PATIENT!

When Black Is Not Beautiful?

In Media, Movies, Relationships on January 14, 2012 at 7:44 pm

If you have Twitter, you have definitely seen the trends relating to dark skin v light skin women. If you are not living under a rock, you may have realised that society’s perception of black women is more complex than you think. We live in a society where the media controls our perception of beauty and corporate industries influence our beliefs and shape our personalities. We as people, have become attracted to a certain kind of beauty that the media has taken control of, and as a result, we are easily influenced and our beliefs continually shift. Constant shifting causes us to be insatiable towards beauty.

The media has a clear idea about what beauty is and what beauty should look like in society. If we had to make a definition of beauty in terms of the media, the definition would be as follows.

” As long as you look lighter, you look more beautiful. If you are darker, your beauty is worth less.”

In terms of the media and their control, beauty is exactly that and will never change unless we change our individual perception of beauty. Corporate industries are more likely to put a black woman with really light skin in their million dollar marketing campaign than a dark skinned woman. Even better, they would prefer to put a white woman who hasn’t got a shade of black. We as a society, accept these conditions because we have been conditioned to believe that fairer skin is more attractive, sexy or beautiful. Hollywood is an excellent example of beauty perception. When we see any type of film that is directed by a top Hollywood director, we never see a dark skinned women as the woman of great sex appeal. Instead we see someone that is white. It is like we use dark skinned women as a last resort.

In the clothing industry, the perception of beauty is even more apparent. A prime example of a shop that doesn’t have any advertising campaign with a black woman, or even a light skinned women is Hollister. I really like their clothes and fashion style, but I have never seen a poster with a black woman or advert with a light skin woman. We could say their demographic is middle-class white people, but if so many people of all cultures are purchasing their goods, they should change their marketing demographic a little. It is not like only white people shop there. You have a variety of people, of all nationalities and backgrounds. A different company, with a very similar style that does really well is Ralph Lauren. They cater for the same market, but they appeal to all people, from all backgrounds.

We need to start to appreciate all beauty. I talk to some of my friends from college and as guys we talk about women. A LOT. The conversation is interesting because we talk about typical women everyone likes. Women like Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, Kelly Rowland, Rihanna, Mila Kunis and Katy Perry. What I realise is that we never talk about dark skinned girls. We only ever talk about light skin women, like dark skinned women don’t exist. I mentioned Kelly Rowland, I know. Everyone loves her. She is like the dark skinned beauty queen of the world. I want to talk about the dark skin women we don’t see very often.

Beyonce looks ugly in the picture on the left. That isn’t her natural skin tone. Loreal obviously lightened her skin to make her look more beautiful. When they did that, they were hoping people would buy their product. Obviously, buying the product makes you look beautiful to a certain degree, but when you make a black woman look less black, it shows how the media is so against dark skinned women. Beyonce isn’t the only example. A lot of celebrities have been photoshopped to the max to increase a company’s income and present an idealistic look that isn’t true. We lose our identity and self value entirely. A sort of false consciousness, run by the capitalist society.

I want to stress that all women are beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you are dark skin or light skin. Black women are simply black women. They are all beautiful regardless of skin tone. I would also like to stress that we should appreciate all beauty, not only media’s perception of beauty. We should not be ignorant, stupid and/or foolish by going onto Twitter and any other social sites, debating if dark skinned black women are better looking than light skinned black woman. We should not easily be led by society’s perception of beauty but see the beauty that lies beyond the skin tone. If you are light skinned, appreciate it and feel beautiful. If you are dark skinned, appreciate it and feel beautiful. Don’t fight it and cause yourself to feel out of place. If you do feel out of place, the media has taken control of you.

I would simply like to say that I find it rather strange when a woman appreciates a dark skinned man compared to a light skin man. But when it comes to women, we prefer the opposite. My overall opinion on women, which I haven’t clearly given is this. I love all types of women regardless of nationality. Me being brought up in an African household, I feel closer to black women. When it comes to choosing a dark skinned woman or a light skinned women, I don’t give a shit. Just show me that you are a loving, understanding, caring, honest and a faithful human being and I will love you back. Simple as that.

Girls Don’t Like Close Guys!

In Relationships, Self Help on December 13, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Quickie: A quick post I am dying to share!

I recently did a post about relationships, and where we stand in them, in the post modern world. The question I want to answer is ‘why don’t girls like close guys?’ They simply don’t. Girls don’t like it when a guy opens up to a girl straight away and tell them their whole life story. It freaks them out or it makes them automatically put you in the friend zone. Girls like a challenge. If you aren’t challenging or hard to get, you are simply not interesting. It is the same with guys. Guys don’t like girls that are easy to get. The easy girls are simply boring.

As a blogger, I love to interact with people and get along with them in the shortest time possible, because I have other things to do like writing,education and my personal pursuit of happiness and development as an individual. Also every second is time, and time is money. I don’t have much time to do  the long waiting process of 4 to 6 weeks before you get a girls number or Facebook or BBM. I usually like to give myself, a week maximum and if nothing happens, I move on. Sometimes, I talk to female bloggers online and I give them more time (1 month) just because, I naturally give people in my field more time to interact with me. Also I believe, people in the same community and field, tend to look out for each other, anyway. For me, that is the process that works for me, it may not work for everyone.

Using the above example, in terms of relationships, being close with a female is bad. Telling her your life story, is also really bad. You gotta give yourself distance and make females want to talk to you. It is the same with girls attracting boys. A girl has to distance herself, so that the guy realises he has to work for a girl who hasn’t got her priority on a him. The priority is living your life to full and taking charge of it.

One thing I learned in the last week, was that sometimes you can rush things, and that can really annoy the person you are interacting with, regardless if you like them, or getting to know them. It is like invading their personal space and rushing a slow process that needs to be grounded. If you are a person that is constantly doing something in your life and wants to build strong relationships with people, a rush process is good but it is risky because you are rushing the grounding stage and hoping it can solidify in the future.

 

WHERE DO WE STAND IN RELATIONSHIPS

In Relationships, Self Help on December 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm

In this post, I am going to talk about what a relationship means from a male perspective. Then, I will give it over to beautiful Brooklynn to give her female perspective of what a relationship means and why it’s important. I haven’t been in a relationship but I am waiting for the right person. Brooklynn, on the other hand, has and she will give advice from her own experience.

TheLookoutDiary:

When it comes to dating and relationships, I believe you should go out with someone that you really get along with. Never go out with a woman that doesn’t get along with you and doesn’t have similar interests as you. If you talk and do the things you like and not worry about if the woman is going to like it or not, or if she will like the conversation or not, it makes life easier. By doing the things you like and enjoy, she should become interested in you. By doing that, you don’t have to pretend in front of her. A few similar interests are cool but a woman who likes every single thing you like, is pretty scary. Difference is powerful in itself. You can learn and experience new things from one another.

Look for someone who accepts you for who you are and enjoys your company. Look for someone who enjoys your comedy. Never try to be funny in a relationship. It kills the vibe completely and what happens is, the girl finds out that you aren’t original and you are actually pretending to be something you are not. You should just be yourself and that should make the girl laugh. So many people try too hard to be comedians in front of women because they want to be accepted quickly. You either look like a fool or you are funny for a short period of time, but they catch you out and see your true character and distance themselves, because your true character isn’t what they expected, beyond the comedy mask.

how cute :)

As I said, I haven’t been in a relationship but I have looked at women and thought deep within, I don’t think they are the right person. I won’t go out with them just because it makes me look cool or I will have an extra woman to put on my list of the women I have dated. I believe that when you wait, you really get to live your life and find out who you actually are, and from developing as an individual, you realise and develop an idea of the sort of woman that would fit your character and COMPLETE YOU! Completing is very important. Some may say that a woman that completes you is someone that is perfect and perfect doesn’t exist. I think personally, a person that completes you, puts you at ease and makes you feel your absolute self. The self you are when you talk to your mother.

BE HONEST! That is the most important thing in a relationship. All men should be honest. By being honest, you are yourself. By being honest, you can separate the women that will respect and accept you to the women that act like fakes and beggars. By being honest, you will have a seriously good relationship that will last and be meaningful.

I would just like to say that a relationship should be completely natural. You should be yourself always. Be honest and don’t worry about who you are because whoever you are, your woman should accept you for that completely.

Brooklynn:

I have been in some very serious and long term relationships/commitments. One thing people have to understand is that being in a relationship means there is no more “I” and it is now “us” and “we.” Compromise is the key word in order to maintain a relationship. Communication is another thing that is also EXTREMELY important. A relationship is a major responsibility and I think a lot of people fail to realize and understand it for its reality.

I am single now, and after emerging from a 4 year relationship I realized that I was too young to be occupying a role that I wasn’t ready for. In your youth, it is your time to get to know yourself and live for yourself. Not to be attached to someone else. Having your own Individuality is something that is really important before you get into a relationship because once you’re in one, we sometimes lose sight of what’s best for US and end up doing what’s best for the other person FIRST. A relationship takes time and needs constant maintenance in order to survive. A lot of people forget that, and become too comfortable, which is why so many relationships break.

If you’re going to get involved with somebody just like Derrick said, don’t do it just for the sake of being able to say “that’s my girlfriend/boyfriend”. Make sure you are completely comfortable to all extremes with the other person and make sure your levels of communication are 100%. Do NOT settle for the first person who comes your way and makes you smile. When I say this, I mean especially for the females out there, it’s easy for us to be swept away by the smallest gestures but you have to know, that not all gestures are pure ones. Know your worth so that someone can appreciate it even more, and not take advantage of you.

In the end, take your TIME and pace yourselves. You have all the time in the world to hold hands, cuddle and kiss and call someone your Boyfriend/Girlfriend. It’s like shopping…browse, try things on and if you don’t like it or it doesn’t fit well…don’t buy it! 😉

xoxo Brooklynn

Brook Lynn

IT’S NOT ABOUT LOOKING, IT’S ABOUT LIVING

In Relationships, Self Help on November 1, 2011 at 1:04 am

A lot of people my age (16) are getting into relationships in college with people that they just met. After a month or less, they have broken up and back to being friends. A lot of them continue living their life like they didn’t just have a relationship and some actually felt like they had something special and worth keeping. I think being 16, people are still too young to understand the complexity of a relationship. We should be teenagers and enjoy the friendships we have with people, than get into relationships that don’t last very long due to the lack of chemistry. I personally believe, when we are young, we are learning how to treat people in a friendship and how to make a friendship flourish. I believe once we understand how to keep a friendship flourishing, then a committed relationship is the next step.

Being in a relationship is about being at ease with another individual. We should feel comfortable being around them and laugh with them naturally, instead of forcing it to please one another. I personally, haven’t been in a relationship but I have had really good friendships with people. Some friendships become so close, that you give your female friend the the sister role instead of a potential future girlfriend.  You can learn so much from a sister about relationships than anywhere else, mainly because your ‘sister’ is a female herself. If you don’t have a friend like that, you should interact with more females and find one. You could just talk to a bunch of random females you meet on the street, if you have the confidence to ask them for an outside opinion. They will most likely answer your friendly question if you come across as genuinely curious instead of a freak that has been stalking them since they left Starbucks, and crossed the street opposite McDonald’s.

I would also advise any teenage guy who isn’t in a relationship to concentrate on what they are passionate about because if you do, females would admire that, because it shows that women are not on your mind 24/7. I realised this myself, and was told the exact same thing by some of my beautiful female friends from college. I do hang out with women but I do take the time to work on my passion which is writing. I am not pursuing women, but most importantly pursuing my passion for writing. I want to inspire many by my words, and what that means is not looking for women because I know, and you should definitely know, that women will always be there.

I asked a few of my friends for their personal opinion on what is needed for long and lasting relationship. Here are some of their thoughts.

Daniel Cayford:  

”Knowing about what they actually want from life, and seeing how the two of you, together, are stronger than when you were single.”

Christian Hayward: 

”Knowing each other in a extended bit of time and not having sex on the first date.”

Makeda D. O-Cole: 

” You shouldn’t enter something, you know with all your heart, isn’t going to go somewhere and doesn’t have a future.”

A relationship is supposed to last; it isn’t supposed about showing off to your friends that you have girlfriend or boyfriend. It is about liking someone who you really connect with. It is also about sharing the same values and common interests with another individual that makes you happy. Love the people you socially connect with, and develop a lasting and meaningful friendship with your friends. The rest will come in time.

What do you think? Do you agree with what I think? What is your verdict on a lasting relationship or even developing a lasting friendship?

Review: Whore’s Glory

In Movies on October 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I went down to the premier of Whore’s Glory yesterday at Leicester Square with my aunt. Through days of hardship, the film looks deep into the daily lives of women and their fight for survival. It crosses borders to seek the truth behind the drive of these women to do such a thing to survive in this sort of world we live in today.

The film raised many issues regarding women and how they are portrayed and used as commodities in society. It also allowed me to look at how, sociologically, they functioned in a capitalist ideological world where everyone is in competition to survive through a hierarchical structure.  The film Whores’ Glory powerfully captured the lives of prostitutes across boarders in Bangladesh, Mexico and Thailand.

Even though the film is deep, graphic and depressing, it is a must see!

I would definitely advise anyone who is interested in culture, lifestyle and women’s roles in society to watch this heart-felt documentary.

Should we blame this on capitalism, the individual or culture? Or is there something we just seem to not understand about our world?

Girls and College: Breaking The Ice

In Relationships, Self Help on September 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm

NB. I live in London and college is sixth form, not university. So to all Americans reading this, I don’t go to university. That is in 2 years time. That makes me 16 years old.

Girls and college?

I went to my induction day yesterday at my new college. I found it incredibly hard to talk to the guys in college compared to the girls. I think that just runs in my genes. You can’t ask for nine incredible and insightful aunties and one mum. It’s life. You suck it up, embrace it and take advantage of it as much as you can.

The girls in my college are really cool. Some are beautiful, some are sweet, some are nice, some are crazy (my favourite) and some are just ‘okay then?’ (raised eye brow). The ones I get along with really well with, are taken and the ones that are single, I can’t say much because I haven’t met them or asked them up front. In addition, I have an opinion that the pretty girls that are single, are single for a reason and the reason isn’t always going to be good reason. I also learned from my induction day that the strangest experience you have when starting college and talking to women through out the day is you learn so much about how they operate. The girls I didn’t know at first, I realised they were scared to talk to boys as much as boys are to girls. They were even scared to talk to girls they don’t know.

What does that tell you about male and female interaction and interaction in general? It says we are all human beings and we have to face our fears, no matter how we feel.